It’s been an interesting week. I guess that’s one word to describe it. Other words would apply as well. Stressful…..demanding…..concerning…..worrying. In case you’re wondering what I’m talking
about, you can read about it in the blog I wrote. Here’s the link:
It hasn’t just involved Aaron, though. Yet he certainly does take center stage in our
lives. All the above descriptive words
certainly can, and do, apply to him. I’m
reminded of our bad beginning to our week now every time I walk into his room
and see this.
“This” being the place on his wall where a
picture similar to the one hanging USED to hang. Used to hang before he yanked it off the wall
in a fit of anger on Tuesday….after fits of anger on Monday. Anyway, read my last blog, like I said. It explains more about what happened.
Now we’re left with the ugly reminder there
on his wall. A reminder of a bad day….of
hurt….of anger….of events that led up to this ugly scene and this ugly spot on
his wall.
A scar.
It would be easy to see this scar and to
focus on the bad things that happened that day. It would be easy to see this scar and to
remember the awful feelings….the frustration….the anger…..the failures. Both mine and Aaron’s, for sure.
However, there are other parts to this whole
story, too. There are other pictures
that I can choose to focus upon if I just will.
And there it is. It’s a matter of my will, of my choosing, as
always. I can choose to only conjure up
the depressing thoughts of those two days, and of this past week generally, or
I can instead choose to ponder also on the bright spots.
On Monday evening, after Aaron’s really bad
day, he suddenly asked if he could write our friend Atha a note. He knows Atha, and he has heard us talking about
her stroke. Aaron rarely offers on his
own to write anything to anyone, unless it’s what he wanted to write on a
sticky note about me on Monday. It wasn’t
nice, either.
So this idea of his to send Atha a get-well
note in his own words was just a very special, unexpected warm moment in the
midst of a terrible time for him and for us.
That made it a double blessing. A
very needed blessing, double at that!!
I can look at the scar on Aaron’s wall and I
can remember this precious note.
Also to be remembered are the prayers of
friends and family….the kindness shown when aware of our need….the time spent
with friends and the encouragement of warm hugs. There was Julie, an employee at our Dillon’s,
who asked me out of the blue if I needed any more one dollar bills for
Aaron. It’s not easy to get the ones
when I need them, and I had forgotten in my stress that I was running low, but
Julie saw me and asked me….said she thought I might be running low….said she
was looking out for me. She has no idea,
though I told her a little, of how much that meant to me this week.
The scar on Aaron’s wall can remind me of
all those blessings.
And there is the recliner at Dillon’s – two recliners,
actually – that Aaron sat in the first time he saw them. They were something new. Something fun! But probably not something that Dillon’s
wants everyone to sit in and enjoy like Aaron does. J So the next time we saw them, in front of the
registers, each chair held a huge stuffed animal. I laughed and told Aaron that now he couldn’t
sit in them since they were already occupied. I figured that Dillon’s had a motive for
putting those animals there.
On Friday, Aaron and I were there after I
picked him up from Paradigm. We were
ordering him his favorite Cheddar Pasta Salad when suddenly he took off walking
briskly toward something. I thought he
was headed to the Chinese side of the deli.
He LOVES looking at the Chinese food, and having the workers ask him
what he wants while he laughs and says he’s just looking. Every time.
But on Friday, when I looked up to see him walking away, I soon saw
where he was headed.
Yep.
He spied the recliner, moved to a new spot in the store. The empty recliner….but not for long. Look at his smile. How could I not smile?
I see the scar on Aaron’s wall and I see the
choice I have to make. Aaron knows he
did wrong and he knows he must wait for the wall to be repaired. I don’t need to keep hammering that home to
him. But there are some issues that
sometimes need hammering into my brain as I look at his scar.
What will I allow that scar to teach
me? What will I allow that scar to do to
my heart and to my spirit? Will I use
that scar to remind me of the bad, or will I use that scar to let me remember
the blessings in the midst of pain and the lessons learned in the hard times?
We all have them, those ugly scars of
life. We can wallow in anger and
unforgiveness….regret and guilt…..pain and sadness.
Or we can choose to do what God said and
forget those things that are behind, and press forward. I know we can’t really forget, but we can
forget in the sense of clinging on to them and letting the defeating thoughts
control us. What’s done is done. Let God handle it as you pray and trust.
And as you forgive those that have hurt you,
whether they know it or not. Like Gary
said on Monday night, our relationship with Aaron is much like God’s
relationship with us. It’s one of constant
sin on my part and constant forgiveness on God’s part. How can I do less?
I want my scars to be touch points for
memories of God’s grace in my life, and then for me to extend that grace to
others…..including….especially!....Aaron.
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