Gary and I
returned home last Monday after being gone for a week of vacation. That’s a long time to leave Aaron and our
Great Dane, Jackson, with caregivers.
Aaron loves the times that we leave because he gets to have others here
with him, which means a change of pace for him.
He gets to eat out more, which he doesn’t need but which he does
love. He has someone to watch movies
with him at home from his movie collection or a movie that they rent. He and his caregivers might go on walks or go
shopping……just normal things, really, but to Aaron they are more fun when
shared with someone different.
More fun up
to a point…..and I think Aaron reached that point on Friday, and again on
Monday at his day group. He acted out a
lot, being verbal and very angry. Gary
and I were actually dreading coming home, thinking we would have a rude
awakening after such a wonderful time with family and with each other. But Aaron was very happy to see us. He called us several times every day that we
were gone, but having us home was even better.
How did he
show that it was better? Well, first of
all, he gave us hugs!! That was
awesome! And not just one hug, but
several hugs spread out over the evening.
He was affectionate, on his terms, and it was sweet to experience.
He also
followed us all around, talking and talking.
He had happy talk of his time with Katie and then with Steven over the
weekend. He talked about what he ate,
and where they went, and the movies they watched, and everything in
between. He followed us all over the
house, and then followed us outside when we went to check the garden. The dirt was a little soft from the recent
rains, but not muddy, so I walked in to take a look at everything.
Of course,
Aaron followed, never missing a beat in his monologue. His movie of the moment was The Blob, so most
of what he said was Blob related. He
kept asking me questions about the Blob for which I had no answers, like
exactly what is the Blob. Finally he
decided to analyze the Blob himself.
“The Blob is
just the size of water,” he said…..and I agreed without telling him that water doesn’t
really have a size. Instead I relished
the way that Aaron sees the world, even the Blob. We were both happy to move on to other things
as we walked around the garden and I showed him some beans, as well as some
zucchini and summer squash. Aaron
noticed the soft soil, though, as he notices everything. “Mom, this sand is sinkable!” he exclaimed as
he walked around.
He wasn’t as
chipper as the evening wore on. It takes
awhile to get things back to normal when you’ve been gone that long, and Aaron
was ready for normal right then. I had asked Aaron several questions about
different matters, knowing that we have to be slow and careful with our
questioning. Finally, as we were getting
his room ready for him to go to bed, I remembered that I needed to get the
monitor out of Andrew’s room where Steven had stayed. At first I didn’t see it on the other side of
the bed, so without thinking I asked Aaron where the monitor was.
“I hate
today!” he angrily answered. “Things
have been going on like, ‘Where’s your monitor?!!’"
I instantly
knew that if Aaron was able to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with us, he
would have said, “Mom and Dad, I’m really tired of you guys being gone. I’m tired of things being so different and
out of place.”
But no, all
Aaron could do was erupt and say what he did………and I was thankful that right
then I found the monitor and was able to be calm, so that Aaron could calm
down. He followed me to my bedroom even
after we had successfully gone through his nighttime ritual……..blinds closed,
blanket on the bed just right, his fish lamp turned off, the bright digital
weather station clock dimmed, clothes for tomorrow set out, overhead light
turned off, bedside lamp turned on……
But yet he
followed me, talking, and asking me to come back to his room. I was tired.
Aaron didn’t care. I walked into
his room, telling him I was going to bed, but he said, “Wait!! I haven’t told you this. I was reading in my Handy History Answer Book
about writing. First there were hieroglyphics,
papyrus, then Guttenburg……and what else?
Chinese! There was Chinese paper!”
I really
didn’t care one whit about any of this writing or paper business at 10:30 on
the night we had just returned from vacation.
I really knew I wouldn’t care one whit about hieroglyphics or papyrus on
any other night, either. But wanting to
make Aaron feel like what he said was important and that I was listening, I
commented, “The Chinese also made the first firecrackers.”
He looked
blandly at me and then flatly said, “I knew that.”
And so much
for that, I thought.
Our week of
re-entry into our real life with Aaron has had its ups and downs for sure. Aaron has changed a lot over the past
year. He’s not always fun, funny Aaron. He never has always been fun or funny, but he’s
more volatile now than he used to be. He
has more anger now than he used to have.
Age? Medicines? Influences?
We don’t really know.
Gary and I
have taken three trips recently, and it’s been so nice on several levels. We realize how refreshing it is to get away……to
be a couple……to have freedom to enjoy what we want to do……to enjoy our other
children without Aaron interruptions.
Does that sound awful?
I watched
Aaron walking in front of me the other morning as we left Dillon’s. There went Aaron, his bag of cheddar pasta
salad and his croissants in hand. He was
large and in charge, so typical of him.
I realize what a large part he plays in Gary’s and my life. Some positive…..some negative.
And I read
an article this week, written by a dear mother of a child with special
needs. Her child, a girl, is still young
and is very sweet………or else this mother chose on this day to just write about
the sweet. After reading that article, I
wanted that little girl to come live with me!
This mother was talking about never wanting her daughter to leave……never
wanting to be without that sweet little girl.
I look at
Aaron, like this evening on another trip to Dillon’s. His passing gas noises as we checked out, his
incessant loud talking, his whistles as we leave the store………where he tells me
once again that at least he wasn’t making the farting noises. How many times have I heard that? And how many times has he heard me tell him
to stop? I see people look at Aaron, and
it’s not like looking at a sweet little special needs girl who smiles at them
and makes them feel warm all over. Large
Aaron is looked at with curiosity, to say the least…….especially when that
gassy noise passes his lips………..at least I hope people know it came from his
lips.
Oh
well. My mixed emotions are normal, I
know. I love Aaron and I know that he is
ours to raise. Ups and downs, good and
bad, demanding and pleasing……it’s all part of this life. God gives grace, and I know He will give
direction to Gary and I as we face Aaron’s future, and ours.
And if I had
not had Aaron with me tonight, after I turned down his request to go to Sonic,
I would not have heard him say, “So why did you say that Sonic is more fatfull?”
He didn’t
see me smile, and he didn’t know how delightful yet another saying of his was
to me. Just like he doesn’t see my heart
and know how much I love him…..even when I don’t exactly like him.
And here’s
what he said last night as I walked into his room just before bed. He was finishing a movie, and those of you
who know Aaron know that Aaron finishes a movie by watching the credits and
everything else that scrolls down that screen….to the very bitter end, when the
screen is either dark or goes back to the home screen. Every.
Single. Word. He watches it.
“That was a
short movie at the ending,” he said.
“The movie
was short?” I asked for clarification.
“No,” he
answered. “The rest was long. Just the ending was short.”
And I’m left
to ponder what he just said, to realize its brilliance in an autistic kind of
way, and to laugh…….behind his back, of course.
See what I
would miss if not for Aaron?
You are not awful, I so get having a break especially with the other kids and the older they get the less cute society thinks they are. I am seeing that a lot and the differences are becoming more apparent the older Jennifer gets.
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