Aaron and Rosie Go To Lunch

Many of you have kept up over the past few years with the story of Aaron and Rosie.  I will put links for my other Aaron and Rosie blogs at the bottom of this blog.  Aaron and Rosie met at Paradigm, the day group that they both attended, and they developed a special friendship.  Now Rosie attends another day group, but they still see each other for a short time at the end of their day, and they ride together in the van that brings Aaron home at the end of the day and then takes Rosie to her house. 

Aaron has to be told over and over not to give Rosie food or money or her very favorite thing in all the world…….crayons.  He will do any of these things at any given opportunity.  His favorite thing to do was to sit with her on Fridays at the theater and share his popcorn with her.  They would do this every Friday, so when I first told Aaron that Rosie was going to a different day group, he thought for a few seconds and then said, “No theater?”  I cried.  And he didn’t see that, just like he can’t see what he does so often to my heart.

For several days now, Aaron has told Gary and me about a new client at Paradigm.  J. has come into Aaron’s world in a rather unwelcome way.  He doesn’t mind new clients, and has learned a lot about getting along with new people.  I don’t know if the Paradigm staff would agree with that, but that’s how it seems to us.  Anyway, according to Aaron, the reason that he is rather unwelcoming of J’s friendship is because she told Aaron that her boyfriend had broken up with her……and then asked Aaron if he would be her boyfriend.  

Well, this has created a huge dilemma for Aaron.  He has talked and talked about this situation with Gary and me.  It seems so simple to us to follow the advice that we give to Aaron as we tell him to just not take J so seriously.  Just tell her that he wants to be her friend.  Just tell her no when she asks him to be her boyfriend.  Just be nice to her but don’t………what was that?  She told you to hold her hand?  Yeah, well, just don’t do that either, Aaron.

Aaron is so perceptive.  Just yesterday he said, “Mom, J. is faking it.  I said my stomach hurt and she said, ‘Let me hold your hand, Aaron.’”  Gary and I laughed and laughed at that one, but it’s really amazing to think that Aaron knew J was using his stomach ache as an inroad to hold his hand.  Way to go, Aaron!

Another aspect of this boyfriend/girlfriend problem is that Aaron really does see Rosie as that one special girl in his life.  He doesn’t like for her to be called his girlfriend or for him to be called her boyfriend, but he does see her as his one special girl…….who is a friend.  Rosie’s parents, Louise and Leroy, and Gary and I don’t want to make Rosie and Aaron’s friendship a boyfriend/girlfriend thing either…..but we do enjoy the relationship they have.

So along has come J and she is causing come conflict in Aaron’s heart.  Just today Aaron asked Gary, “Dad, what do you think’s wrong with J?  She’s trying to make me go away from Rosie!”  And once again, Gary tried to explain it all to Aaron and give him some answers.

His comments about Rosie are so sweet………so insightful.  A couple days ago, speaking of Rosie, he said, “I found someone who likes me and agrees with me on things.”  And don’t we all know that those are two characteristics that attracted each of us to our special someone?

And then there was this concise statement that Aaron made about Rosie:  “Me and Rosie……we’re connected.”

This melts my heart.  We want Aaron to have that special someone in his life, on whatever level is best and suitable for both of them.  Their relationship is sweet and it is typical for them, where they are in their special lives……and that is enough.

That’s why today was a special day for Aaron and for Rosie, for Louise and for me.  On Thursday Aaron stood in the kitchen while I finished cooking supper.  He was once again talking about his rock and his hard place………Rosie and J.   Then he asked, “Mom!  Can we go to Burger King this weekend with Rosie and her mom?”  My first thought was to think of several reasons why we probably couldn’t do that, but the look on Aaron’s face and the pleading in his voice stopped me in my tracks.

I thought of how much Aaron depends on us for his social life.  He can’t drive and he can’t make these events happen without our help and our permission.  How would I like to live that way?  And I’ve seen more and more that Aaron is so perceptive about life and about people, much more than we give him credit for.  How can I turn a blind eye and a hard heart to his desire for a normal “date” with Rosie?  How can I not make that happen for him?   So I quickly texted Louise and she quickly texted back, and soon we had agreed to meet at Burger King on Sunday at 1:00, Aaron and Rosie in tow. 

Louise said that Rosie was very excited when she saw Aaron and I pull up and then walk across the parking lot.  Rosie and Aaron didn’t really greet each other, but both of them were talking up a storm……..not to each other as much as to me and Louise.  As we ate our lunch it was like watching a tennis match.   Back and forth, back and forth went the conversation.  Aaron loves to talk, as we know, and Rosie loves to tell of things she has seen and places she has been and things that have happened.  Rosie likes for her mom to do a lot of the telling, but she contributes plenty…….and Aaron rarely stops talking, loudly, so it was a lively lunch.  

 

It’s so interesting to see Aaron and Rosie together.  Both of them are chronological adults but are so much like children when it comes to life and to friendship issues.  They don’t mind having their shared lunch with their moms.  It’s all they know and it’s all they expect……and want.  They see nothing odd about it at all.  I wonder what others in Burger King thought.  I hope they saw it as a wonderful moment for our adult “kids.”  Some normalcy in their all too restrictive world.

Look at Rosie and Aaron smile!

I’m so happy that I said yes to Aaron’s request, and I’m so happy that Louise took her time to bring Rosie to meet us for lunch.  To meet Aaron for lunch!  Being a parent is all about meeting the needs of our kids, and for us parents of special needs kids, the meeting of those needs may even extend into adulthood.  That’s the way it is and so we may as well accept it and enjoy it when we can.

As we drove away, Aaron was already planning a movie date.  It’s a good thing I like movies!  I hope Louise does!


Some of my Rosie and Aaron blogs:

http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2011/10/aaron-and-rosie.html 

http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/09/only-for-rosie.html

http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-very-special-birthday-gift.

 http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2013/04/rosies-birthday-dinner.html

 http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2013/07/what-rosie-did.html

Shut My Mouth!

I had been promising Aaron that he and I would have a fun day.  That means a day that does not involve a doctor or dentist visit but instead is wholly dedicated to doing something fun.  I looked at my schedule and decided on a day, and told him last week that the fun day would be Wednesday, the 6^th.  I told him the date with some trepidation because once a definite date is chosen then I know that we must do what I said we would do on that day.  We MUST!!  And so I hope and pray that nothing unforeseen happens to cancel a date that I have set and that I have told him about.   Aaron doesn’t handle cancellations very well, which is why I often pop things on him at the last minute.  

Speaking of minutes, yesterday – our fun day – began with Aaron gingerly coming down the stairs first thing after getting out of bed.  He found me in the kitchen, as he usually does, and he immediately asked, “Mom, what time are we leaving for the movie?”  He and I had chosen to go see Guardians of the Galaxy at the theater.  I told him that we would leave around 12:00.

There was a short period of silence before Aaron once again asked what time we would leave……..and I reminded him that we would leave around noon.  Aaron took his pills and I poured his coffee, which I carried upstairs to his room.  Once back in the kitchen, I continued loading the dishwasher while Aaron just stood there watching me.  

“So when are we leaving?” he again asked.

“Aaron, I said we’d leave around noon,” I tried to patiently answer.

“Mom, don’t say around noon,” he replied.  “What time are we leaving?”

I turned my back so that I could smile, and I then told him that we would leave at ten minutes after twelve.  He thought for a second and then said, “So we’ll leave at twelve ten?” 

Sigh.  “Yes, Aaron, we’ll leave at twelve ten,” I told him……..and he left the kitchen, finally content that he had the time that we were leaving down to the minute, the way he likes it.  

As the morning wore on and Aaron tried to stay busy, I heard him come into my room.  It was a little before 12:00, but to Aaron the wait was miserable until it would finally be 12:10.  “So we’re going to wait a long time right now before we go to the theaters?” he asked.  

“No, Aaron, it won’t be long,” I said.  “Twelve ten will be here soon.”  And sure enough, I managed to pull it off.  We left the house at 12:10!!!  Aaron was happy and I was happier as we drove to the theater.

We listened to Alabama sing Song of the South……….sweet potato pie and shut my mouth.  Which is what I heard Aaron sing as we walked into the theater foyer, rather loudly…….”sweet potato pie and shut my mouth.”   So I reminded Aaron to please not sing right now, especially the shut my mouth part.  And after he ordered his large popcorn in his typical way…..”Can I have a large buttered popcorn?”……….as if he must ask permission…….he headed for the girl who took our tickets.   And I heard him again.  “…..shut your mouth.”  

Aaron!  And I smiled at the puzzled girl, and I asked Aaron if he was singing again so that the puzzled girl would hear me and hopefully know that Aaron was singing a song that she probably didn’t know and that he was NOT telling HER to shut her mouth…..

Oh Aaron.  

We found seats near the back of the theater, but there was still someone right in front of us, which always worries me………because Aaron has been known to grab the seat in front of him when he gets up to go to the bathroom or when he gets excited.  Or he might kick the seat……or talk too loudly…….or laugh way too loudly………or CLAP…….

Don’t sit in front of us at the theater.

So after we sat down and Aaron had gotten settled, placing his popcorn on the floor beside him and his drink in the cup holder beside the (thankfully!) empty seat beside him, I proceeded to give him my usual theater directions.  Read the above paragraph and you will know what I reminded Aaron not to do, as I tried to be as positive as possible.  Oh, and don’t eat any napkins, Aaron.  Yes, he does that and don’t ask me why.

All the while, Aaron was glancing at the clock and at his popcorn.  He will not eat his popcorn before the movie starts.  He will not eat his popcorn when the curtain goes up.  He will not eat his popcorn during the pre-movie rules that show on the big screen.  He will not eat his popcorn during the upcoming movie trailers.  He will not eat his popcorn during the cool digital sound check stuff that is aired.  He will only eat his popcorn when the movie that we came to see actually starts.  And so he did yesterday, of course.

Guardians of the Galaxy was funny and kept us laughing.  I only had to pat Aaron’s leg maybe a dozen times in order to remind him to be quiet……..and whisper in his ear with the same message several times………..and hiss “Aaron!!” maybe five times.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.  

And on his own, he put his arm around my shoulders once until his arm got tired……….and he held my hand twice.  HaHa!  So sweet!  And so unusual for Aaron.  I smiled to myself and didn’t care what others may have thought.  Aaron showing affection is welcome anytime, even in the public theater.

Oh, and he did eat a napkin, I’m pretty sure.  That’s why he turned his head away from me and didn’t answer when I reminded him not to eat a napkin………and then sat there chewing like he had gum but he had no gum.  Oh well.  It kept him quiet for a few minutes.

So the rest of the day, after we got home, was interspersed with watching Guardians of the Galaxy movie clips, talking and talking about this fun movie, and rehashing the whole thing for Gary during supper.  Our favorite character was Rocket Raccoon.  He was pretty hilarious.  And Aaron said the most amazing thing about Rocket later in the evening.

“Mom, I loved Rocket Raccoon!  He always talked what came up to his head!”

Which sounds so much like Aaron, who usually talks what comes up to his head……over and over and over!! 

And I do the same, if I’m not careful.  

Leave it to Aaron to say something like that……..something that leaves me speechless and makes me think about how many times I blurt out what comes up to my head.

Reminds me of a song.  

“Sweet potato pie and SHUT MY MOUTH!”

Too Loud For Quietness

My thoughts lately often turn to the subject of quietness.  I’m not talking about the external quietness that we so often desire.  I get more of that sort of quietness than many people do, especially you moms with young children or those of you that work outside the home.  No, I’m talking about the inner quietness of my heart…….the quietness of contentment and peace, no matter what distractions I have around me. 

This type of quietness is hard to achieve outside of having a deep faith and trust in God.  Yet even though I may give myself daily to the Lord, beginning each morning with a new resolve to stay totally in tune with God and trust Him completely, I often find my heart……my insides……..my thoughts……..churning and stewing over this and that until I drown out the still, small voice of God that calls me to quietness.  

Life happens.  The world keeps turning and the news doesn’t get any easier to hear on most days.  Friends are hurting, neighbors need us, obligations demand us, chores press in on us……….life.  Even the dog needs to be fed!

And for me, there’s Aaron.  Last Monday he was in a terrible mood, but with God’s help I was able to be calm and to defuse him.  A stop for cheddar pasta salad worked miracles, believe me!  I was full of thankfulness, and was thinking over and over about how much God speaks to me through these lessons with my son…………lessons about God’s great love to me when I am most unlovely.  Boy, was that ever driven home the next day when I exhibited my unloveliness!  I totally lost my temper with Aaron, and then was full of guilt and remorse.  That day, I was the one who needed extra love.  And my heart was anything but quiet.

We never know what a day will hold.  There was Wednesday, after the upheaval of Monday and Tuesday, when Aaron had a doctor appointment.  We went to lunch at Chili’s after his doctor visit and just had a delightful time together.  Who would have thought that two hours after this picture was taken, Aaron would be laying in his bed having a huge seizure during his nap?  As usual, there was no warning……..nothing to prepare me or him for that.  And there again was another disruption to my quiet heart.  

 

On Saturday, we had a funnier disruption.  I was sitting on the patio, taking a break after doing some yard work.  Aaron joined me as Gary continued weed eating nearby.  As usual, Aaron was talking up a storm……and the more he talked, the more he rocked in the patio chair.  I looked down for a second and suddenly heard a grunt.   Looking up, I saw that Aaron’s chair had fallen backwards and he was laying in the grass…….laughing, thankfully.  One minute he was rocking and talking……the next he was flat on his back, feet up in the air, and thankfully unhurt.   Funny, but unexpected.

 

I remember when our children were young that there were many times I thought, “Oh, if only I had a day to myself.”  Now the kids are grown and gone, except for Aaron……but he’s gone to his day group every weekday……..during a good week.  Anyway, now I find myself thinking, “Oh, if only I had a day with Andrew and Andrea.  Too bad they live so far away.”   Then there are those evenings now when I think, “Oh, if only Aaron wouldn’t keep talking to me or asking me to do something with him.  If only I had an evening with no expectations or interruptions.”  And many times when I think, “Oh, if only Aaron wasn’t so grouchy……or so loud……or so demanding……..or so whatever.”  In other words, I tend to be pretty demanding myself of what I think will make my life just as it should be.  And out the window goes any hope of a quiet heart as I try to manufacture the perfect life that will create the quiet heart I crave.

I just started reading the book Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliott.  She said, talking about developing a quiet heart in this loud world, that “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.”  Wow!

So often I want the different set of circumstances……when in reality, the circumstances I am in are the ones that God wants to use in order to develop in me a quiet heart……..a heart of trust despite what’s going on around me.  A heart of acceptance for what He has allowed and even ordained to be in my life.  

Elisabeth also said, “Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good.  My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion.”  It’s how I respond to my circumstances that will dictate my level of quietness and peace………not the circumstances themselves.  Like Paul said, “I have learned in whatever state I am in, therewith to be content.”

I’ve walked with the Lord for a long time, and still I have so much to learn.  I sure am glad that God is patient, even when I’m not.  I still want to tell Him that He’s using the wrong measure for me.  “Lighten up, Lord!” I sometimes say.  Instead I should be accepting and even thankful for what He measures out in my life.  That’s when I know I will experience a truly quiet heart.  

For quietness really is surrender, even while life spirals around us.  It’s Who we surrender TO that makes the difference……not what we’re kept FROM. 

Be quiet…..and know that I am God.