A Winning Moment

Aaron has had a mostly good week, which means that there were ups and downs as always.  His recent staph infection returned, so I took him to the doctor on Monday.  Now he’s on another round of antibiotics, which isn’t what we like but it’s what he must do.  Tuesday was a very happy day, but Wednesday was not a good day at his day group.  Barb called me, put the phone on speaker, and I could definitely hear the frustration in Aaron’s voice.  We all wish we knew what leads him, in his mind, to the point of no return where he simply reacts without thought of the consequences. 

He was exhausted that night, so on Thursday morning I just let him sleep.  He slept for almost twelve hours, waking up too late for me to get him to Paradigm and also make it to an appointment that morning that I had.  So later that day we enjoyed some down time together.  I took him to Great Clips for a haircut, which you know he loves, and to Dillons for another favorite….a Cheddar Pasta Salad for lunch.  We took Jackson for a walk in the beautiful warm weather, too. 

Of course Aaron found the new chairs at Dillons and had to try one out!

Aaron was in a reflective mood on Thursday, which he often is after a rough day.  He was in a giving mood as well, wanting to buy some items at the store for his friends.  I try to steer him to smaller things, like pieces of gum, instead of large items. 

“Mom?” he asked.  “Natalie bought me a gift when my birthday came out.  Can I buy her a gift when her birthday comes out?”

Can you tell how often he talks about the date that a movie is coming out?  J

As we talked later that day, Aaron told me that he wanted to write a note to three of his friends who were very good to him when he was so angry the day before.  He’s never wanted to write a note for such an occasion that I can remember.  I think he had this idea because he had just written two thank you notes for some Christmas gifts. 

I gave him some note cards that I had and he proceeded to write his notes of thanks.  They were short and sweet, which is all that Aaron sees as being necessary.  It’s the sweet part that I love, and the fact that he thought of this all on his own was extra special. 

Don’t you love how he signs his name?  Years ago when we told him to sign his name on a note, he did just that. 

Signed, Aaron.

Except look at the way he spells “signed.”  He combines the word “sigh” and “sign.”  I think that’s pretty awesome.

He took the cards with him the next morning, slipping them under his jacket as he got out of the van at Paradigm.  I could tell he might be embarrassed about them.  Sure enough, when I asked him after he got home if he gave the girls his notes, he looked sheepish.  Apparently, he chickened out and left the notes on Barb’s desk.  I don’t know if he’ll get the nerve to give the notes to them or not.  I’ll gently encourage him to do that over the weekend, but I don’t know if he will.

Some victories with Aaron are partial, or come in pieces that are spread apart.  But a victory is a victory.  To see Aaron showing thankfulness and then expressing it in writing, on his own, is a huge victory.  The winning moment may not come in the actual giving of the cards, at least not this time. 

It’s his written heart that warmed mine.

And I’ll take it.

Getting Aaron

I ran into Great Clips this morning, taking Aaron for another haircut, shave, and beard trim, and who greeted us but Erin!  Erin has worked there for quite awhile.  Erin loves Aaron, if you follow me.  She’s a mom, and just a very sweet person who genuinely loves seeing our Aaron.  So it’s always nice when Erin cuts Aaron’s hair! 

Erin is one of these people who just gets Aaron.  She was genuinely happy to see Aaron as we walked through the door.  She talks to him while she cuts his hair, asking him questions and interacting so well with him.  I just love having people like that in Aaron’s life.

 

I can tell very quickly if someone gets Aaron or not.  You don’t have to totally understand Aaron to get him.  Is this making sense?  There are just some people who from the first moment they encounter Aaron, are relaxed and accepting of him.  And there are others who look at Aaron like he has an alien head or something…..although Aaron would think that having an alien head is pretty cool. 

For instance, Friday evening Aaron and I went to Little Caesar’s for pizza.  The line at the take-out window was long, so I decided that Aaron and I would go inside to grab our pizzas.  As I parked, I gave Aaron the usual directions…..wait for me, don’t barge in the door, if there’s a line then don’t push ahead, please don’t clap, and please talk SOFTLY!!  Of course, I was trailing behind him as I finished my instructions and he was barging in the door.  Oh well.

Thankfully, there was no line, so Aaron had free rein to walk up to the counter, lean way over and loudly say, “Can I have some breadsticks??!!”  I was tugging Aaron back while reminding him to talk softly and also reminding him that I already told him he could have breadsticks…..when I turned and saw the cashier’s face.  She was staring a hole through Aaron while she wore totally no expression on her face.  There was no emotion at all from her.  She looked at Aaron like he was perhaps an alien, but a very boring alien.  Like she was thinking, “Who are you and why are you in my store?”   

Aaron was very excited and happy, totally oblivious to this girl’s cold stare.  He continued to interrupt as he loudly asked if we could get TWO pizzas as well as breadsticks.  Her eyes went from me back to Aaron, with her impersonal cold stare once again.  At times like that, I’m very thankful that Aaron doesn’t get social cues.  This girl didn’t get Aaron, but Aaron didn’t get that she didn’t get him, so in that respect all was well. 

But all was not well in my spirit.  I wanted to give her nose a little pinch and then deliver a lecture, but of course I didn’t.  And I know that maybe she was having a bad day.  Yet really, deep down, I just know that some people get Aaron and some people don’t.

Tuesday for lunch, Aaron and I met his case manager at Applebee’s for his yearly PCSP meeting.  Barb, from Paradigm, was there as well.  Aaron is as comfortable with Barb as he is with me, so she understood Aaron’s whacks on her arm, his too tight squeeze of her hand, and how he helped himself to some of the chicken on her salad.  It was our server, though, whom I especially noticed.  She made eye contact with Aaron, smiled at him, listened to him, and was genuinely relaxed with him.  I even looked at Barb and whispered, “She gets Aaron.”  And Barb knew just what I meant. 

When someone understands Aaron, it’s as obvious as the nose on their face….like that little girl’s nose that I wanted to pinch.  J  But it’s very obvious to me when a person understands Aaron, and even accepts him just as he is.  Sometimes being in public with Aaron is embarrassing, honestly.  He’s large, and loud, and totally blind to the effect he has on others by being “out there” with some of his behaviors.  He might point at someone because of their hair or whatever.  He might turn around in the restaurant booth to see what the people behind him are eating or saying.  He might stop to stare at their plates as we walk out of the restaurant.  And if he goes to the bathroom by himself during our meal, it’s very interesting to watch people’s faces as he walks by, his head high and arms swinging, often making funny noises with his mouth.

So when someone gets Aaron, I find myself relaxing some.  It’s as if I don’t feel the need to explain, which I usually don’t do anyway.  I shouldn’t have to explain Aaron.  He is who he is, in all his boldness and uniqueness.  But I’m human and I feel my face getting red when Aaron does something a little crazy that draws attention to us.  It’s nice to see others understand him even if they don’t really understand…..to accept him…..and especially to enjoy him. 

Having Aaron in my life has taught me to try hard to show understanding to other families I see who are probably uncomfortable in public.  I remember when Gary and I ate dinner at a local restaurant with some friends.  Our table was near a mom and dad who were eating dinner with their special needs son.  I noticed their son immediately.  He was stimming in his unique way, and I just knew what they were feeling.  I could see it on their faces, especially the dad.  So I finally made eye contact with the mother, and I smiled at her.  I pointed to myself and shook my head yes.  She was a little confused, so I just stood up and walked over to their table.  I spoke to her and her husband, and told them who I was…..and that I had a son much like their wonderful son.  They both visibly softened and relaxed.  They were so happy that I understood and that I spoke to their adult son, and that I got it.  That’s what meant the most to them….the fact that I got their son. 

So when you’re out and about, and you see an Aaron…..or most likely, when you HEAR an Aaron…..just smile at the parents with genuine love.  Even when their Aaron might pull one of the lower boxes of cereal out of the huge cereal box display….and mom stands there with fallen cereal boxes all over the aisle….smile and maybe even offer to help pick them up.  Yes, that happened to me.  And the help of a sweet teenaged boy was such a blessing that day!

There are special people all around us who need us to get them.  There are families of special ones who will feel a huge weight lifted off their hearts if you are that person in their lives. 

I get it!  You can, too.

Aaron's Notes

I saw this on Gary’s desk the other day.

 

This note was written by Aaron, and it made me smile.  He was obviously in a happy mood that day, particularly toward Gary, and so he expressed it as he often does with a little note.  Aaron’s not being disrespectful in calling his dad by his first name.  I mean, Gary is Gary’s name, right?  Aaron knows that we try to get him to call others by their first names instead of saying, “Hey, you!”  Or just saying, “Hey!”…..and then pointing, as he did often during our recent trip to see family.  So on this day of note making, Dad was Gary….and we smile at that.

Aaron keeps copious lists of many areas of his life.  He writes down the chapter that he just finished when he stops watching a movie.  He writes down his computer game notes and stopping points.  He keeps this list of his going to bed and getting up in the morning times:

 

And this list of our Skip-Bo wins:

 

Aaron also loves his Post-It notes.  He leaves various messages in various places, like the one that he left on Gary’s desk.  Some of his messages are not so nice, though.  Like this one a couple years ago that he left on his door during a very grouchy morning.  I got that message loud and clear……and I’ll admit that I thought it was pretty funny, although I didn’t share that sentiment with Aaron.

 

He sometimes leaves me reminder notes.

 

He has left sweet notes, and sometimes not so sweet notes, to the various staff at his day group.  Here is one that Barb sent me, a note that Aaron wrote on her desk calendar.

 

But by far my favorite note is this one that he left on my desk quite awhile ago, and that I still keep there.

 

I like looking at it on bad days, especially.  It always makes me smile.

I love you, too, Aaron……sweat and all. 

Tired of Love?

Some of you have been asking about how Aaron is doing.  We don’t really know how his sodium levels are holding right now.  We need to have more blood work done to find that out.  He’s drinking less water than he used to drink, but probably still more than the doctor would want him to have.  We’re just doing the best we can do there.  Let’s just say that he does NOT take kindly to having his fluids restricted.  Some days and moments are harder than others.  Much of it depends on his mood.  Much of everything depends on his mood, actually.

One day his friend at Paradigm gave Aaron some food.  I was a little leery of this idea, so I told Aaron that he probably shouldn’t be eating food offered to him like that. 

“You’re saying I can’t have WATER, and now you’re saying I can’t have – like – FOOD?!” he exclaimed.

He lives a tough life, let me tell you.  A very tough life.

Aaron loves listening to CDs when we drive to his day group, unless he’s having a grouchy day.  Then he punishes me by saying he doesn’t want to listen to any music.  Anyway, we had listened to an instrumental CD and I guess it wasn’t his favorite.  The next day he said, “Will you get a CD where they’re singing in WORDS?”  Ok, ok.  So we I picked out an Olivia Newton John CD, one where she’s singing her old songs.  Aaron listened quietly.

Finally he said, “Mom, I noticed something.  She just sings about love.”

“Is that OK?” I asked.

“Well, it’s weird,” he answered.  “Music companies today don’t just sing about love.”

He’s right about that.

The next day we turned on the same CD, and it began where we had turned it off the day before.  Again, Aaron listened quietly for a couple minutes.  Then he flatly said, “I’m getting tired of love.”

I did laugh out loud at that one.  Come on, Aaron.  We never get tired of love! 

So to finish this, I’ll just show you some pictures of Aaron and of how he loves, and IS loved, every day.  And of how he’s funny, too!

He found a turtle down in the grass in our back yard, so Gary helped him turn it loose in the lake behind our house.  Aaron was so happy with that turtle and didn’t want to give him up, but he was happy to know that the turtle was very happy to finally go to his home. 

 

We went to see The Minions with Rosa and her mom, Louise.  Rosa asked her mom if she could go to a movie with Aaron, which was so sweet.  And the loudest I heard Rosa laugh was when they were walking out through the lobby and Rosa took a drink of her Diet Coke.  Aaron loudly said, “Is that BEER??!!”  And they laughed and laughed, while Aaron rubbed his hands together. 

 

 

Aaron went with me to get dog food at the vet.  Aaron loves getting to see the resident cat, Kato.  Patient, patient Kato. 

 

Aaron has offered to help me clean garden veggies several times.

 

And he thinks it’s so funny to always do this at least once when he eats a peach.

 

I think it’s funny that he often wears his socks with the heel part on top, no matter how many times I tell him that the gray part belongs on his heel.  He totally doesn’t care.

 

He does care about testing plants when we go into different buildings.  He showed me this piece of a leaf after we left the doctor’s office.  He now knows that his test proved that the plant is real.  Sigh.

 

We have eaten out several times on doctor visit days, which is really why Aaron goes with me on doctor visit days.  He doesn’t care at all about seeing the doctor.  It’s his restaurant of choice that fills his thoughts. 

Aaron thought it was funny to be in a huge booth, far apart.

 

One of his friends gave him a Krispie Kreme hat, so Aaron proudly wore it for a short time.  Hats are not his favorite.  Neither are donuts.  Can you believe that?

 

Life with Aaron is never dull.  And he’s always loved, even when he’s tired of love.  

And when he’s not always easy to love.  That happens, too.  I have a picture of his broken watch, but that will be for another time.

Today we sing about love.

 

 

 

Unto The Least: A Man Named Richard

I remember him so well.  Richard……….nondescript, uneducated, stinky, and often unwelcome Richard.  Our paths crossed because Richard attended the same church where I grew up and where I worshipped.  Our paths also crossed because God ordained it to be so.  God ordained it to be so………so that I would learn a lesson.   It was a lesson best taught by the method that God loves to use – the weak things of the world confounding the mighty. 

Richard was a very short little man.  I often think that he was our version of Zaccheaus there in Princeton, West Virginia where I was raised.  Richard didn’t have much education and he was also very simple minded.  Today I’m sure he would be classified as being developmentally delayed, at the very least.  Yet he had served our country in World War 2, returning to Princeton when his time was up.  I remember hearing the story of how Richard wanted to help build the parsonage for our pastor at Johnston Chapel Baptist Church.  The men decided that Richard could dig the sidewalk, and so they used twine and little posts to outline the walkway that Richard should dig.  As Richard dug, his shovel cut the twine and it veered off to the side……..and Richard continued to follow the twine with his digging.  I’m not sure if the men let Richard dig anymore after that or if they found another safer job for him to do. 

I remember Mom and Dad loading us five kids into the old station wagon and then leaving for church.  We never missed a service unless we had a fever or were throwing up, or maybe if blood was involved.  This was in the day of services every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and anything in between.  This was also in the day of revival services that lasted at least a week, and sometimes longer if the Spirit led.  There were mission conferences, too, as well as other special services thrown in here and there.  The Kings did not miss church.  If Dad was working, then Mom loaded the station wagon and off we went. 

I loved going to church, but I always dreaded that drive up Thorn Street because often we would see him………..Richard, standing on one of the corners of Thorn Street, not far from his house.  Richard, standing there waiting for a ride to church from one of the church members that he knew would drive by in our little town and see him, and offer him that ride.  Richard, whom I was sure never, ever, ever took a bath.   The smell was just awful!  We kids would strain our necks to look ahead to see if he was still standing there, hoping against hope that some other family had come by before us and picked Richard up.  If we saw him, we would beg Mom or Dad not to stop for him………..to let someone else have that privilege on this day. 

But no……..Mom and Dad would always stop for Richard.  He would hop in our already crowded car and immediately we would be assaulted by that odor.  We girls learned a trick.  We would take a small purse-size container of perfume and try to hide it in our hand as we held it up to our nose.  Or at least have some perfume on our wrists that we could sniff in the hopes of blocking out that smell.  I’m not sure what John did to combat the odor but at that point it was each King for himself.   If no one was able to give Richard a ride, then he would walk to church, regardless of the weather……and that was probably a five mile walk.

Richard would talk, talk, talk.  He had a very fast, clipped speech.  I can still hear him make a comment and then say, “Isn’t that right?  Huh?  Isn’t that right?”  Then he would laugh and launch into something else, and ask again if that was right.  If he wasn’t talking, he was making a clicking sound with his tongue, as if he was getting food out from between his teeth.  He probably was, since I also doubted that Richard ever, ever brushed his teeth……….which just added to his unique smell. 

At church, Richard would lean up on the pew in front of him and talk to whomever was sitting there.  His eyes would dart between the people as he rapidly talked, and clicked his tongue, and laughed, and said, “Isn’t that right?   Huh?  Isn’t that right?”  The large church helped to spread his odor out some and keep it from being as strong……….unless you were the fortunate ones who were sitting in front of him and with whom he decided to engage in his mostly one-sided conversation.   Needless to say, when I was older and had the opportunity to sit in front of Richard……….I tried to find another seat.

Richard, though, was good at math.  I remember how that always surprised me.  On Wednesday nights, four men would count certain sections of church and then give the number to the pastor out loud as they were called upon to do so.  Richard almost always added those numbers faster in his head than Preacher Jimmie could do on paper, and he was usually right.  Amazing indeed!  And also amazing was the fact that Richard loved the Lord in his own simple way and was one of the most faithful church members that I have ever known.    I don’t remember seeing Richard carry a Bible and don’t know if he could read, but he knew his Bible.

Time marched on.  We King kids grew up, went to college, married and had our own lives.  Mom and Dad both eventually retired from their jobs.  They continued to be active at Johnston Chapel, enjoying the freedom to spend more time visiting the sick and those who were shut-ins.  Among those that they cared for, none stood out more to me than their continued care of Richard.  He had aged, of course, and time had taken a toll.  Richard was not only feebler, but was also dealing with the ravages of cancer.

I know that others helped with Richard, too, but Mom and Dad did a great deal for him in his old age.  They helped him find a better house to move into, and then helped him move his meager belongings.  They were shocked at what they found as they cleaned his house.  Such filth was hard for them to imagine!  And there in his closets and throughout his house were stacks of Christmas presents that church friends had given him over the years, still wrapped and unopened.   Inside were clothes and toiletries that he surely could have used over the years, but when questioned about it Richard said that he didn’t open them because he didn’t need anything.  Mom and Dad bought him clean clothes and new things, but Richard still preferred his old belongings and his old way of living.  Mom would take him home-cooked food and encourage him to eat better than he was.  She and Dad bought him a small refrigerator to keep his food from spoiling, but Richard refused to plug it in because he didn’t want to waste electricity. 

Dad helped Richard obtain his VA benefits, and then made sure that Richard started going to the proper doctors at the VA hospital.  He took Richard for many of his doctor appointments.  This was no easy task in many ways, but none more so than just the pure embarrassment of being in a public waiting room and doctor’s office with poor smelly Richard.  Mom and Dad tried countless times to teach Richard and to urge Richard to use better hygiene, but I don’t know that Richard ever took it to heart.  Dad would explain things to the doctor, but the people around them that they encountered must have wondered about Richard and about Dad.  Eventually Richard’s cancer became more complicated than what the local VA hospital could handle, so Dad took him to the nearest major VA hospital………..in Richmond……….a six hour trip one way.  Twelve hours confined in a car with Richard, as well as the time at the doctor appointments.  The smell……..the constant talking……….the clicking tongue.   Yet Dad just smiled and did what he knew that God would want him to do………..to take care of this little unwanted and unwelcome man. 

When Dad tried to see if Richard qualified for any other assistance such as Medicaid, it was discovered that Richard had money.  In fact, he had too much money to qualify for any government help.  Richard never offered to give Mom and Dad, or anyone else, any money for the things they did for him.  They wouldn’t have taken the money anyway.   That was not the motive.  A brother that no one knew about showed up at Richard’s death, and Mom and Dad walked quietly away from any further involvement……..but not before they gave Richard one of their burial plots since he didn’t have anywhere to be buried.

Mom and Dad didn’t want any public acclaim for what they did for Richard.  They just loved the Lord and they let the Lord’s love fill their hearts and direct their actions.  I know at times their service to Richard was tiring, was frustrating, was annoying, and very thankless.  Yet Mom and Dad, and the others who served Richard, did so because they lived out their faith and they believed Jesus when He said, “When you do it unto the least of these, you do it unto me.” 

 

Dad is with Richard in heaven now.   I sometimes try to imagine it, the two of them together up there.  Both have new bodies and are totally equal physically and mentally.  Did they hug when they saw each other?  Are they ever beside each other as they sing and as they worship?  Richard doesn’t smell anymore and Dad doesn’t have to explain him to anybody, or be embarrassed.  I wonder if Richard still talks fast, and does Dad still smile patiently at him?  I doubt it, but it’s fun to think about. 

And we kids are left with not only memories, but more importantly, we are left with a real example of selflessness that my parents demonstrated.  They loved the unlovely in more than word…………they loved also in deed.  I know that each of us has taken this lesson to heart in our own lives in various ways.  But I doubt that anyone could be any more kind and any more patient than my sweet parents were to Richard.

I can’t wait to see Richard in heaven!  I’ll give him a hug……….and no perfume bottle needed!

 

Lessons From the Random Garden Phlox

In our back yard, Gary and I have two flower beds that I haven’t done much with for the past two years.  Plenty of our perennials still grow there, but some have died that I haven’t replaced.  Gary is planning a patio remodel at some point, and knowing that those beds would be downsized or moved caused me to just let them grow as they will.  Our tall Tiger Lilies bloomed out there recently, but now those bright orange blooms are gone. 

This morning I looked outside as I worked at the kitchen sink.  There among the flowerless Tiger Lilies I saw the bright pink blooms of a random Garden Phlox.  The pink was very noticeable now that the lilies weren’t all in bloom.  What a pretty sight that Garden Phlox was as it stood among all the green leaves of the lilies!  The Phlox is shorter than the all those giant lilies surrounding it, but it stands out beautifully because of its bright, pretty flowers.

 

 

As I looked at that Garden Phlox, I thought of a nurse…..a nurse that I have never met and whose name I don’t even know.  Andrea, our daughter, told us about her last night.  Andrea has moved to a new area of the big city in which she lives, so yesterday she had her first appointment to get established with a family practice doctor there.  The doctor’s nurse who worked with Andrea was not only very nice, but Andrea said that she also gave a clear testimony of her relationship with the Lord.  She was definitely born again, a follower of Jesus, so she and Andrea shared that common bond as they talked together.  She then gave Andrea the name of two good churches in the area for her to visit.

This interchange may seem like no big deal, but it was very encouraging to Andrea…..and a huge answer to prayer for Gary and me.  As our two children that have moved far away get established in their new lives, Gary and I pray often that God will protect and lead them.  Part of our prayers for them is that God will bring others into their lives who are believers…..who will be there to encourage and befriend them.  It’s a rough world out there for all of us, but as parents we especially worry about our adult children as they navigate life far away from home and family. 

I just love seeing how God answers prayers in ways we don’t orchestrate at all.  Who would have thought that God would use this nurse to speak her testimony to Andrea, to lift her up in that way, and to give her the names of two churches?  But God knew just where Andrea needed to be yesterday morning.  The first doctor in that group couldn’t see Andrea, so she ended up with another doctor…..who has this nurse….and she was working yesterday when Andrea was there.  Thank you, God!

And thank you, dear nurse, for not being afraid to speak of your relationship with Jesus.  She truly let her light shine, just as Jesus told us to do, so that others will see the Lord in our lives.  This nurse was a huge blessing and an answer to prayers for us…and she may never know it this side of heaven.  But she was just walking in obedience, letting her light shine, and she sure did brighten Andrea’s day and ours as well.

Then I have to think about myself.  Often as I’ve prayed for those who will come alongside our children, I wonder if I might be on the other end of such a prayer.  Could I be the one that God wants to use to answer a mother’s prayer for their child?  Could I be that person who could encourage and bless a person for whom someone is praying?  Am I letting my light shine in the lives of others?  That thought has given me great pause over the years as I’ve prayed for our kids, and now even more so as I think of this nurse…..this random nurse…..who meant so much to our family yesterday in such a seemingly simple way.   

This nurse was like my Garden Phlox showing its beauty among the lilies.  She was a bright spot in Andrea’s day, and she was a bright blessing to Gary and me.  I need to be willing to do the same…..to grow where God has put me and to share the beauty of my relationship to Him because of what He has done for me.  I need to be careful to reach out to ones that God puts in my path, in whatever ways that I can.  Even the simplest acts can be just what a person needs at that moment, and just might be the answer to a parent’s or another’s prayer. 

So may I not let fear or selfishness or lack of caring grow around me so much that I don’t even try to help those who come into my life.  I pray that I will be open to God’s leading and obedient to his command to let my light shine so that others will see God, and thereby be uplifted.  May I shine like my bright pink Garden Phlox amongst all the tall, crowded lilies. 

I’m certainly thankful for that nurse who was a beautiful blessing in our lives yesterday.  May God bless her richly as she shares His beauty with others.

Lessons From the Lone Daisy

We have a flower bed off our front porch that has been a challenge to fill with flowers that will thrive.  It’s a mostly shady area because of our large Golden Rain Tree whose branches provide that shade in abundance.  However, through some pruning of the branches over the years, and some further pruning of a huge bush beside the flower bed, there is now a little more light that comes into that area.  I’ve tried a large variety of plants and flowers over the years in that spot, but even now with a little more sun, finding a plant that will keep growing has been difficult.

This year I decided to plant several flowers in that bed, flowers that are designed to bloom in shade or partial shade.  I’m still not tremendously pleased with how they have done this year.  I’m just not seeing the huge display of blooms all summer that I had hoped to see.  One of the flowers that I chose to plant are Gerbera Daisies.  They bloomed for awhile….at least enough blooms to give me hope…..but now they are just sitting there in the dirt, living but not blooming. 

Except for one that put out a beautiful bloom last week.  It was a perfectly formed, bright pink bloom that caught my eye when I walked outside one morning.  Today the bloom is a little worse for wear, but still pretty in that sea of green.  That flower is a beautiful pink splash that still draws my attention when I look outside.  It doesn’t matter that it’s small……it doesn’t matter that it’s alone……it just matters that at least one of my little Gerbera Daisies decided to bloom and give me some pleasure.  I doubt if anyone driving by our house even notices it, but I do, and I’m thankful for it.

 

That small flower reminds me of something that happened recently.  Someone we know was going through a crisis with a family member.  It’s not who any of you are thinking of…..it was someone else.  J  Anyway, I felt compelled to run to the hospital and pay this dear family a quick visit.  Now I generally pull back from going to the hospital very often.  It’s not because I don’t care but it’s because I always worry about being in the way, showing up at the wrong time, or just not knowing what to say or do that would be helpful.  I do care for these sweet people and I felt like the Lord really wanted me to go, so I got in the van and I drove to the hospital. 

The nurse on the floor helped me find the family.  They were in the family lounge, waiting while a procedure was being done on their loved one.  The Mom, my friend, was so happy to see me.  We hugged, long tender hugs, several times.  She asked me if I wanted to stay, to sit down in a nearby chair, but I said no.  I told them that I just wanted them to know that they are loved and prayed for, and that I wanted to give her a hug conveying that love.  I told them that they are not alone.  I was there less than five minutes…..maybe three minutes.  I felt like they needed time together in that otherwise empty family area…time to let down, to talk to each other, to pray….and so I gave one more hug and I left.

I walked back to the parking garage and drove home wondering if I should have stayed longer.  I wondered if it looked silly for me to make such a quick visit.  Did they think I didn’t care enough to sit down and talk awhile?  Did I come across as uncaring?  So I prayed and I asked the Lord to use that very brief visit to encourage them, the way that I intended, and I tried to quit fretting about it.

I got a text yesterday.  I hesitate to say much because I don’t want to sound like I’m boasting at all, but I want this to be uplifting to each of us.  This mother and friend told me that my visit was the most meaningful to them, and how grateful they were for it.  Now I was the one being encouraged!  And why do I share this?  Because that simple visit was like my Gerbera Daisy in my front flower bed.  That very brief and plain visit turned out to be a splash of loving color in their sad and worried hearts.  I felt like I didn’t accomplish much, but little did I know that God took my small effort and used it as a huge blessing in their lives. 

I bet no solo I ever sang on that podium for all those years touched them like that one small visit.  And I want all of you to know that you don’t have to do big things to be a needed encouragement in someone’s life.  I’m not trying to build myself up…..I want to build each of you up to know that the littlest kindnesses are really huge, especially when God takes them as intended and uses them to touch a life. 

My little lone Gerbera Daisy has given me a smile inwardly every time I have seen it for the past few days.  And your little lone touches in a person’s life can make them smile and give them hope to keep going in ways which you may not even be aware.  We don’t have to stand before hundreds, speak before crowds, write bestselling books, or any of the other multiple things that so often spell success to us.  We just need to give Jesus our simple loaves and fishes, and then watch Him multiply them over and over.  We have no idea of the effect of our prayers in our closet, of a card sent in the mail, of an email of encouragement, of a home cooked meal, of a simple hug, or of a phone call.

You may feel alone or ineffective, but you are never those things when you give to God your simple desires to bless others.  You can be a beautiful splash of color and hope in someone’s life when you do the simplest acts with a loving heart.  Remember the daisy.  It doesn’t matter that it’s alone…..it doesn’t matter that it’s small….it just matters that it decided to bloom and therefore to give me great delight every time I see it.

So bloom today where God has put you.  Look around and see how you can bring pleasure and delight to someone who needs that in their lives right now.  And remember that it’s usually in the smallest, simplest ways that we impart those blessings to others. 

Every Piece of Aaron

Aaron came home this past Friday full of talk about his day.  He had helped Bryan work on houses, he said, meaning that he had gone with Bryan to one of the residential houses that Paradigm manages.  He has really enjoyed helping with the repairs on the houses…..or putting together tables and chairs…..hanging curtain rods…..those sorts of things.  I’m not sure how much actual helping Aaron does, but he likes going and he likes telling us that he’s a “worker on houses.”

As Aaron talked on Friday about his day, he reached into his pocket and pulled out three packs of Big Red chewing gum……his favorite.  I guess this was his purchase of the day at Quik Trip, or somewhere, and he was very happy with it.  I knew what we were in store for over the upcoming weekend, too.  Loud chewing of several pieces of Big Red gum in Aaron’s mouth at once, and the smacking of his lips as he savored every taste of cinnamon, is what awaited us.  It doesn’t matter how many times I say, “Aaron, chew with your mouth closed.”  Or, “Aaron, don’t smack your lips like that when you chew.  Or, “Aaron!  You’re chewing like a horse!”  He’ll quieten down for a few minutes, but soon he’s back at it full force while I cringe.

I had supper going on Friday when Aaron once again walked into the kitchen, this time with an open pack of his Big Red gum.  Several pieces were missing.  I knew where they were because I could hear them in his wide open mouth as he chewed them.  Yuck!  He handed me the open pack of gum and said, “Here, Mom.  You can have some gum.” 

Now Aaron knows that I’m not a big fan of chewing gum.  I just don’t enjoy chewing gum a lot, but I thanked him for the kind gift and told him I would chew some later, after supper.  I took the pack of gum that he held out and I placed it on the kitchen counter as I turned to do something else.  After several seconds, I heard Aaron leave the kitchen, and when I turned around, this is what I saw.

 

I had to laugh.  Aaron didn’t mean for me to take the WHOLE pack of gum.  He meant for me to have one PIECE of gum.  He must have been glad that I turned my back so that he could quietly take that one piece out, lay it where I would see it, and make his getaway.

Later that night, we were watching Jungle Book.  We laughed, and were enjoying the story and the fun songs.  I kept glancing over at Aaron, who sat in his favorite chair covered with his favorite blanket.  He seemed spellbound by the movie, not making a motion or a sound…..which is very atypical of Aaron.  We watched Mowgli with his friends….Bagheera, Baloo, Colonel Hathi with the other elephants, and even the vultures.  And I kept turning an eye on Aaron, watching him as he seemed so taken by this movie.

Finally I noticed that Aaron looked different.  I looked at him while he was still unaware of my stare, which he would not like.  Was he crying?  I watched a few more seconds, and soon Aaron took off his glasses and wiped his eyes.  Yes, Aaron was crying.

“Aaron, are you OK?” I casually asked.  He said he was, so I waited a few seconds. 

“Are you crying?” I ventured to ask. 

He paused before looking at me with a halfway smile and then surprising me by saying yes.  He was indeed crying.

I asked him why he was crying and he simply answered, “I miss Rosa.”

Then over the next few minutes, while Jungle Book continued to play on the television screen, he told me that he didn’t think he had friends…..that no one was a friend like Rosa……no one understood or liked him like Rosa…..that even some of his other friends at his day group were getting tired of him.

He tried for the remainder of the movie to talk a blue streak about anything and everything, as long as it had nothing to do with what he had just said.  He had shut the door on that topic, so we finished the movie with the spell broken.  Aaron was talking nervously about whatever came to his mind, and I knew not to bring up the friend subject again at that point.

And he put a couple pieces of Big Red gum in his mouth, chewing furiously as I kept up my usual reminders to him about his method of chewing. 

Later that night, though, and several times over the course of the weekend, Gary and I had opportunity to discuss the subject of friendships with Aaron.  Poor guy.  He has so many disconnects in his autistic brain.  He just can’t control many of his actions, for one thing…..and then he has a hard if not impossible time figuring out that A leads to B which leads to C…..

For instance, his VERY loud clapping is extremely irritating.  When he claps a lot, or sometimes even once, it can make his friends downright angry.  It’s very hard for Aaron to control that clapping.  It’s like he just must clap sometimes.  But he also told us over the weekend that his clapping makes his friends mad, which makes Aaron sad.  He doesn’t always act sad, but he often is.  He showed his sadness during the movie on Friday night.  Aaron said he doesn’t have friends like Mowgli, and he wishes he did.

We gave him little instructional talks about how to make friends.  Do this, and don’t do so much of that.  Do speak kindly, for instance……and don’t hit people on their rear ends.  It seems so simple and easy to us, but it’s so very difficult to Aaron.   

Aaron has many facets to him.   So often, those facets are hidden under his loudness or his toughness.  But every now and then, we get a glimpse into what he’s thinking and more importantly, into what he’s feeling.  It’s a rare event, bittersweet because of the sadness that sometimes accompanies that look into his heart. 

It reminds me of his pack of Big Red gum on Friday.  I thought he was offering me the whole pack that was remaining, but no, he was offering me one piece.  When I wasn’t looking, he left that one piece on the counter for me to find when I turned around.  I was happy with that one piece, given with Aaron’s open heart, as much as if he had left me the whole pack.

That’s how we must live with Aaron every day as we deal with his special needs, especially in this case his autism.  At the most unexpected times, when he is ready, he might allow us to see into his mind and into his heart.  It’s usually in one little piece at a time, though.  He walks away with all the other parts that make up Aaron, maybe to be shared on another day or in the midst of another event.  He won’t sit down for an hour and share all of his thoughts and all of his inner feelings.  He WILL sit for an hour, or for several hours if we let him, and talk about aliens and movies and all sorts of other Aaron “stuff.”  But his inner workings are doled out piece by slow piece, over time.

We must be ready to seize those times, with Aaron’s permission…..almost as if he’s handing us that one piece of gum.  Piece by piece we come to understand Aaron.  And as Gary and I put those pieces together, it’s similar to having a pack of gum that’s filling up with all of our understanding of Aaron. 

 

I wouldn’t call our pack of gum Big Red, though.  I would call it Big Aaron. 

Big LOUD Aaron, on most days.

Aaron, don’t clap.

Aaron, don’t hit.

Aaron, don’t chew with your mouth open.

Aaron, don’t say those words.

Aaron, do know that we love all of you…..every single piece of you.