Yes, little things…….
On Friday it was 45 minutes.
That’s not a long time, really, when you think about it. Such a little thing.
Gary’s truck had to be kept in the shop unexpectedly after
an oil change late Thursday afternoon, so I told him to just drive the van to
work the next morning. Paradigm is
always willing and able to pick Aaron up at the house when needed. However, on this particular Friday morning when
I texted Paradigm, they said they could only pick Aaron up early…….at
9:30. We usually leave the house at
10:15 when I take him to meet his group.
I went into Aaron’s room to tell him that Paradigm would be
there to pick him up…..at 9:30.
“But we don’t leave the house until 10:15,” he flatly said.
And I knew before any other words were spoken that we were
in trouble…….I was in trouble. I tried
to reason with Aaron, but his rigid way of thinking was preventing my words from
penetrating that brain of his. The more
I used reasoning, the more he objected.
Of course, his only argument was that we don’t leave the house until
10:15, but that is all that Aaron needed.
He escalated with every reasoning argument that I had, so I
just had to let it drop. He didn’t go to
Paradigm on Friday. He also didn’t get
his end-of-week treat because he didn’t fulfill his obligation of going to his
group and participating every day, but he didn’t care.
We leave the house at 10:15, or Paradigm comes to pick him
up at 10:15…..or later. Not 9:30. Never early…..never 9:30. Got it?
All of this because of 45 minutes.
Such a little thing……
Yesterday, Sunday, it was coupons. Aaron has such a love/hate relationship with
the Sunday coupons. He came downstairs
when he got out of bed, and saw the coupons laying on the table.
“I’ll do them later, Mom,” he said. “Don’t you do them!” he added as he went back
up to his bedroom.
It wasn’t long until I heard him coming back down the
stairs. “Mom, I’ll cut out the coupons
later,” he repeated.
I assured him that I knew that. Upstairs he clomped……..and soon after,
downstairs he came again.
“Mom!” he said, a little frustration showing in his
voice. “I said that I would cut the
coupons later!”
I looked at him with some frustration showing in my face and
assured him that this decision was fine.
“But are you going to do them?!” he asked with suspicion.
And again I told him that I was NOT going to cut the coupons………that
it was fine for him to wait until later………that I would just leave them on the
table.
Upstairs again……and you guessed it……..downstairs he
thumped. “I WANT to do the coupons,
MOM! Don’t you do them!!” he commanded
in complete exasperation.
There I sat, seemingly the object of Aaron’s anger………but I
knew that his anger was really directed at those irritating coupons. The coupons that he feels compelled to clip
because he has clipped my coupons for years, although he doesn’t really enjoy
the job anymore. The coupons that only
HE can cut because he tries so hard to cut them directly on each dotted line…….and
Mom doesn’t try nearly as hard. In fact,
Mom makes such a mess of the coupons that only I……AARON……can clip coupons!!!
He was so conflicted over those coupons that when Gary came
downstairs, unaware of what had been transpiring, Aaron bit Gary’s head off
verbally and called him Mr. Bossy. Aaron
got a firm lecture from both Dad and Mom, and in total dismay at this point, he
got his two coupon trash cans……..and his very own scissors, the ONLY scissors
that he will use for coupons…….and the coupon box………and his fluffy pillow that
he sits on…….and his cups of coffee to put on the bench beside him……and he
proceeded to just go ahead and cut out the coupons.
Aaron muttered some select comments as he clipped, but we
just ignored him while he settled down.
In the meantime, I was fixing me a bowl of Cream of Wheat in the
microwave. Thinking that just a few more
seconds would make my cereal the perfect consistency, I pushed the microwave
buttons and turned to do something. Soon
the beep told me that my cereal was finished.
I turned to find this……
What a mess! It was
such a little thing, those few extra seconds.
But the result ruined my cereal and made me have to start all over.
Such is life with Aaron.
Little things to us can be big issues to Aaron, and even though we know
this, there are times that we just can’t control the fact that little things
happen…….or that these same little things have such a huge effect on him. We can’t
rearrange his thinking all the time, though we do try. I can’t make 9:30 be 10:15 to him, much as I
wanted to on Friday morning. I can’t
make the coupon stress disappear from his mind, though I have tried and tried
to accomplish that.
And so often we end up with an outburst and then a huge
mess, like my bowl of cereal. It’s just
45 minutes, Aaron! It’s just a few
coupons, Aaron!
A few more seconds won’t hurt my Cream of Wheat, I thought…….but
it did. Therefore, I cleaned up the mess
and I started over.
With Aaron, a few small things can cause quite an
eruption. We try to instruct……try to
understand……try to intervene if possible……try to prevent them in the first
place……
But sometimes small stuff happens. Then we clean up the mess in whatever way is
needed, even if it means some discipline.
We try to put ourselves in Aaron’s shoes and get into Aaron’s mind.
And when he calms down, we start over with a new dish……..a
new day……..a new hour. Waiting for the
next outburst.
Such a little thing……
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