I decided on
this rainy, gray afternoon that I would snuggle under my soft blanket on the
couch for awhile. Maybe I would even
take a nap, although my body doesn't usually cooperate with naps for some
reason. Today I wasn't feeling great and
so to just lay down and rest sounded wonderful.
However, within 60 seconds of laying down I heard the unmistakable sound
of Aaron's desk chair scooting back.
Soon he came thumping down the stairs and blustered into the family room
where I had just closed my eyes. So I
opened my eyes and there he stood, looking at me as he held his black fuzzy
pillow and his soft blanket and his back scratcher.
It would be
highly unusual for Aaron to realize that he was bothering me.........or to care
that he was bothering me. And today
turned out to be a usual day, because Aaron proceeded to position his items on
his favorite chair as he told me that he was tired of his computer and so he
wanted to watch some television.
Sigh.
I pushed
back my soft blanket and gathered all my items as I told Aaron that I would
just go upstairs to lay down in my room.
He thought that was a great plan as he was already settling into his
chair and picking up the remote.
Sigh.
I was
settled on my bed under my soft blanket and had even dozed for a few
minutes. I was relaxed and just resting
when I heard it...........the again unmistakable banging of Aaron's feet on the
stairs. He was coming upstairs. Soon I heard him turn toward my room and then
he barreled through the closed door. I
knew it, I knew it, I knew it! He didn't
knock and he wasn't quiet. Nope. He just zipped right in and said, "Mom? Can you take me to get some supper from a
restaurant?"
"Aaron?"
I asked. "Do you not see that I'm
trying to nap?"
"But
can you take me to get some supper later?" he repeated.
Sigh.
"And if
you can take me, can we go to Burger King?" he continued.
"I
don't know, Aaron," I answered.
"Burger King is kinda far away, you know."
"Well,"
he said as he started out the door, "let me know if you can take me to
Burger King. If you can't, it's
OK." And out the door he scurried.
Sigh.
I was
totally awake now, and a little aggravated at how Aaron totally doesn't get
it..........doesn't get the fact that I was trying to nap and that he just
barged in talking. He could have at
least whispered, for crying out loud.........though Aaron whispering is very
rare indeed.
Somehow as I
lay there, though, I started thinking of what it's like to be Aaron. Sometimes I think of how self-centered he
is........like he was twice already in a span of 30 minutes as he disrupted my
attempted nap. But in the quietness of
my room after he blustered out the door, I thought of what it must be like to
always be dependent on others to take him everywhere. Aaron can't jump in his own car with his keys
ready and drive himself to Burger King.
Instead, he must ask someone else to take him out for a favorite
food.........and hope that Mom or Dad won't mind driving a little farther to
take him to get what he's wanting. If
they do mind, then he'll say OK like he just did, and he'll be happy to go
closer.......to Sonic, or Taco Bell, or McDonald's.
What do I do
if I want a particular food or if I want to go to a certain store? I just jump in the van and off I go. Aaron doesn't have that luxury. He must ask for a ride, and then he must hope
that Mom or Dad won't mind taking him to the place he really wants to go
instead of to the place that's just more convenient. What would it be like to never have the
freedom to come and to go anytime and anywhere you wanted? I felt like crying as I lay on my bed under
my soft, warm blanket. Aaron's
dependence on us is a facet of his care that can easily be seen as a burden to
us. But at this moment I was aware of his
dependence on us being a heavy burden for Aaron to bear. I wondered if it's ever hard for him to ask
us to take him places? "If you
can't, it's OK," he had said. He
would make it OK, but deep down he really wanted Burger King.
And Burger
King it would be, I decided! Just then,
I heard it. Thump, thump, thump! Up the stairs came Aaron.........and into my
room he barged once again.
Sigh.
"Mom?"
he breathlessly asked. "Have you
decided?"
I patted the
empty side of the bed and told him to sit down.
He was not wanting to sit down, really.
He was wanting an answer about Burger King, but he knew that somehow his
sitting beside Mom on the bed just might hold the key to a possible Burger King
supper.......so he sat. I patted his leg
and I told him that first of all, he should remember that Mom was trying to
nap. He should remember to not rush in
the room when Mom is napping. He should
remember not to talk to Mom when she is napping. This little talk did not have one mention of
Burger King, and so Aaron began to fidget.
"OK,"
he said as he agreed to my napping instructions. "So can we go to Burger King?"
Sigh.
"Yes,
Aaron," I answered. "I'll take
you to Burger King."
Happy Aaron
jumped off the bed, and soon we were in the van driving on the way to his
chicken nuggets and French fries at Burger King. Aaron in his pajama shorts and sleeveless
shirt and old man sweater, with his slipper socks and slippers on his
feet.......and me hoping that we did not have to get out of the van for any
reason.
Sigh.
And Aaron
talked non-stop about clones again. Oh
my goodness, will he ever exhaust the clone subject? All the way there and all the time in the
drive-through line and all the way home........clones, clones, clones.
Sigh.
We got home
with the goods............ and Aaron settled in his chair with his pillow
behind his back and his blanket on his lap just right and his toothpicks beside
him on the end table and a knife and fork and spoon that he didn't use but had
to have and his bowls, of course. A bowl
for his chicken nuggets..........a bowl for his fries........AND a bowl for the
barbecue sauce.
Sigh.
There were
two bowls on the table already full of his Pringles........a dirty bowl in the
sink.......two bowls in the dishwasher.........his three bowls on his
lap........and one solitary clean bowl left in the cabinet.
Sigh.
I looked
around and realized that it really doesn't take much to make Aaron happy. Sometimes, too, it doesn't take much to get
on my nerves. I need to take these
little things that can become big things, and put them in perspective. Life is too short to get uptight about a
drive to Burger King or interrupted naps or the multiple dirty bowls or clones.
Well, the
clones are beginning to be too much now, seriously.
Sigh.
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