Aaron and Rosie.......Not Too Rosy?

Today Aaron stayed home from his day group.  No, he wasn't sick and he didn't have any seizures overnight.  It's actually more complex than that.  It concerns an issue that is requiring us, and others involved, to have wisdom and understanding......and not only for Aaron.  This matter involves Rosie as well.........Rosie, Aaron's very special friend.

I first wrote about Rosie two years ago.  Here's the link to that blog post:   http://hesaidwhatks.blogspot.com/2011/10/aaron-and-rosie.html.   Aaron and Rosie have continued to maintain a very special relationship................going to each other's birthday dinners with parents, staying near each other at Paradigm, and usually going on the same outings with each other during their day at Paradigm.  It's been sweet to see their friendship grow......and it's been interesting to work with Aaron as he's tried to understand their relationship, and whether they MUST be boyfriend/girlfriend or can they just be good friends.

What has been occurring recently involves two issues.  The first issue is Aaron's desire to give or to buy Rosie things.  We have allowed him to bring her a bottle of juice or some baby carrots or some other food item from the house.  Sometimes we let him print her a picture on the computer of one of her favorite characters from the movie Cars or some other movie that she likes.  He likes to share his movie popcorn with Rosie, or to buy her a snack when they are out. 

The second issue is wrapped around the matter of crayons.  Yes, crayons.  Rosie loves crayons.  I mean, Rosie ADORES crayons.  She lives and breathes for crayons.  I had no idea how strong her love of crayons was when she and Aaron first became friends.  I just knew that Aaron was sneaking our old crayons out of the house in the mornings and taking them to Rosie at Paradigm.  If I knew then what I know now, I would have put a stop to that.  Anyway, Louise and Leroy, Rosie's parents, have through the years developed a system to help control Rosie's crayon obsession.  She is allowed to only have a certain number of crayons at definite times.  The more crayons that Rosie has, the more frustrated and obsessed she becomes with getting more crayons.  It's a vicious cycle, and Leroy and Louise have worked out the best system to help keep the crayon dilemma under control.

Lately, though, crayons have somehow become a huge issue once again.  I know that Aaron  bought Rosie some crayons when they were out together with their group, and that it happened more than once.  We repeated to Aaron over and over that this was not allowed. Rosie began wanting more and more crayons, of course, and so things began to snowball.  Rosie wanting crayons......Aaron saying no..........Rosie becoming frustrated.  One day when Aaron was afraid that Rosie would get in trouble at Paradigm, he told me, "Mom, I wanted to take Rosie's blame!"  I just stood there, wondering how to answer that amazing statement from Aaron..........admiring his care for Rosie, but knowing that Rosie also needed to learn that she couldn't have all these crayons.  

Not long after that, Aaron came home one day and again was frustrated.  "Mom, I'm tired of bringing my wallet now.  I expected to have a fun day!"  Once again I told Aaron that he had helped create all this by repeatedly buying Rosie things, especially the recent crayons, but instead of responding with understanding, he replied, "Can you understand my day was spoiled?!"  And can you understand why, Aaron?  Can you?  Maybe a little? 

Things came to a head yesterday in the mall, with Aaron buying the biggest ice cream that he could in order to spend all his money, and Rosie wanting her crayons.  I don't know all the details, but there was a meltdown from poor Rosie in the mall.  And here at home later that evening, a frustrated and sad Aaron had his own form of meltdown that prompted me to go buy him some jelly beans that he wanted.........hoping that he would calm down and engage in some conversation as he saw his anticipated jelly beans waiting on the table. 

Jelly beans...........crayons........but instead of two young children squabbling over these items, we have two young adults to whom jelly beans and crayons mean the world.  Jelly beans and crayons hold the key to happiness for Aaron and Rosie at this point in time.  I tried to get Aaron to sit still in the family room and talk to me, but he kept getting up and pacing around the room as he talked about this problem.  Then he finally sat down on the ottoman near where I was sitting on the couch, and the tears came.  He tried to wipe them away, but they still welled up in his tired eyes.  And as he talked, I realized that Aaron was somewhat frustrated with Rosie but he was also sad that they are at this point with each other.  He is upset that he is feeling this way toward his special Rosie, and he doesn't know what to do now that things are not all rosy with Rosie. 

It's so very hard to reason with Aaron the same way that I would with Andrea or Andrew.  I told Aaron that his feelings are not at all unusual, and that all friends or couples go through these times.  I told him that his dad and I have times of irritation with each other, but that we work it out and then everything is fine.  He would listen, but then go back to repeating the same words over again that he had just said........and I knew I wasn't making much headway into that head of his, at least as far as I could tell.  And I know from talking to Louise that it's the same way with Rosie.  They just don't get it..........although we keep trying and we keep hoping.  But their disconnect mentally is very evident in this delicate matter of working through the junk that sometimes mires a relationship.

I wasn't surprised this morning when Aaron came downstairs and plopped on the floor beside Jackson, and said that he didn't want to go to Paradigm today.  I was on the computer and I turned to look at my boy who is a man, but who is really still a boy...........a boy/man who is working to understand himself and to understand Rosie.  I know that I can't dismiss his repeated conversations about what has happened, even as I can't dismiss the obvious pain of this lesson.  I once again assured him that he and Rosie are still very special friends........that Rosie's mom is going to work with Rosie on all this........that the staff at Paradigm will work with both Aaron and Rosie to help them along...........and that his dad and I are always here for him.

I talked to Louise today and was so thankful for her kindness and her understanding.  Of course she is.........she has walked this path for many years, too..........this path of mothering her special daughter who is now a young woman but still a child.  Together we hope to walk beside our Aaron and Rosie, helping them solve this crayon problem that is every bit as serious as if we were helping our children solve a deep relationship problem that might threaten to dissolve a marriage.  We both value the unique friendship that Rosie and Aaron share, and we wouldn't want to see their happiness disrupted over anything.........including crayons.  All the while, Louise and Leroy have the crayon dilemma to address concerning Rosie..........and Gary and I have the "I want to buy Rosie something every day" dilemma with Aaron.

I told Louise today that I feel a bit like a meddling mother-in-law.........and we laughed at that thought.  At least Rosie and Aaron won't see us as meddling, so I can breathe easy. 

I hope!

Aaron Was.........Aaron

Today was the day for our annual meeting with Aaron's case manager, Carissa, and with Barb from Paradigm.  We meet at Applebee's in order to make the meeting more fun for Aaron, because if a meeting involves food then it is automatically more tolerable than just a boring meeting sitting around a table and signing forms.   It's amazing how quickly these meetings roll around...........how fast time goes by from year to year.  So far things are well set for Aaron, and so these meetings aren't really a huge deal.  We have to correct some things on his paperwork like new meds or meds that he's no longer taking; new doctor info; and of course this year put a brand new, much lower weight down for Aaron. Carissa was shocked to see the new, slimmed down Aaron......and Aaron was happy about that, although he was too busy looking at the huge Halloween spider stuck on the front of the counter near the entrance, and so he didn't comment. 

We've learned over the years to have our own plan of action concerning the post-meeting issue of getting Aaron to return to Paradigm.  In other words, if Aaron is with Mom for even a small fraction of the day, then he thinks that it's his right to return home with Mom and not to go to his day group.  Between Barb and me, we've learned to cover all the bases.........telling Aaron that yes, he is riding to Applebee's with Mom for the meeting; and yes, after the meeting he gets to ride with Barb back to Paradigm; and yes, you and Barb will stop at Quik Trip on the way to Paradigm.  Notice how positive we are? 

I also use some strategies at home, such as..........yes, you can have the computer keyboard put in before we leave if you are nice (or at least moderately nice, but I don't say that to Aaron.); yes, you can have some money for getting a snack today (but do not buy Rosie crayons or give your money away to anyone); and yes, you have time to watch the old movie version of The Thing before we leave. 

Still, Aaron went through some spurts of hatefulness as he tried to process this day in which he has a change in routine.......a change which to him means that he should be able to come home and spend the entire rest of the day on the computer.  I went in his room this morning and found him with his headphones on, watching The Thing.  Well, he was actually finished with the movie.  As he heard me enter his room, he impolitely said, "Get lost.  I'm trying to finish the credits!"  Yes, there he sat with his eyes glued to the monitor as the movie credits scrolled by.  Yes, he watches the credits and reads every single word.  They ARE part of the movie, after all!  So I just left the room after chiding him for being rude, and I let him finish the all-important credits.  Soon he came in my room and his day began with, "Mom?  Are you sure I have to go back to Paradigm after Applebee's?"

  He pushed a bit against our plan and was on the verge of losing his privileges, when he finally went in his room again and shut his door.  Thankfully, he calmed down and the rest of the morning was mostly pleasant.  He said he showered, but his hair didn't look great so I'm not sure.  However, he smelled of deodorant.......although a different smell than his usual.  Barb cleared that up later by asking Aaron if he still had the deodorant that he put in his pocket at Paradigm and brought home............and which is the community deodorant.  Oh my!  This was the different odor I noticed.  Community deodorant.........and Aaron smiled proudly as he said that he did indeed put on his "new" deodorant today.  It is now in the trash.

At Applebee's, as Aaron waited for his house salad and his chicken strips to come, he put a whole pack of sweetener in his mouth.  He loves sweetener, and if left alone he would swallow paper and sweetener both.  Yuck!  I told him how bad this was for him and how sick he could become, so up he hopped as he spit the package into his hand and headed for a trash can..........a trash can that was in an area where there were little beverage napkins stacked.  He proudly returned with a stack of small napkins.........and it wasn't long before he got up again and with purpose returned to the napkins and walked back with another hand full.  His need for napkins was satisfied........as was his need for toothpicks, I learned later, as he emptied his pockets and dumped his toothpicks on the table.  Between these today, and the ones he got at TGI Friday's last Wednesday, he shouldn't need new toothpicks before Christmas.

Aaron left Applebee's happily with Barb.  He called me later from her cell phone and told me that at Quik Trip he got some coffee, and some Good And Plenty's .......and that Barb used some of her money.  "See Mom?"  he said.  "I told you to give me more money!" 

No, Aaron, you need to do less spending!  But this fact never computes with Aaron, although I will keep trying. 

I was texting my friend Atha later after she asked how our meeting went.  I told her that the meeting went smoothly and that Aaron was Aaron.  She understands exactly what that means.  She replied, "He can't be anyone but Aaron."  And then she continued, "You should be thankful." 

And as I think of it, she's so right.  There are times that Aaron pushes every button that we have, and then somehow finds even more to push.  But really, there are many reasons to be thankful for our Aaron..........and a big one is for how he makes us laugh, even sometimes between our gritted teeth and rolling eyes.  We have one more meeting next week, and then we're done for another year. 

Done with meetings, that is.  I don't think we'll be done with Aaron..........not by a long shot. 

Walking With Dad

Every autumn when we were young, when the leaves were vibrantly colored and the mountain air was crisp in my home state of West Virginia, Dad would set aside a Sunday afternoon for our annual long trek through the woods.  I'm sure that Mary Beth, John, Jan, and Kathryn remember that special tradition as well.  Dad would take us up in the woods behind our old house in the Elmore addition and off we would all go, following Dad as he led us on the road or the path through the trees.  Dad worked six days a week, so I know it was a sacrifice of his time  to take us on this outing.  He would point out the various trees by name, telling us interesting facts about each species.  He would stop and tell us to be very quiet as we listened to the forest sounds around us.  We would listen expectantly.........waiting..........waiting..........until we heard the unique chirping of a squirrel, or the rustling leaves caused by a hopping rabbit, or the unmistakable shrill of a Blue Jay or a hawk.  Dad wanted us to not only have fun on this walk, but to see and to learn from all that was around us. 

Eventually we would end the day sitting on the ground of a sloping hillside, enjoying the wonderful sunshine and fresh air............and time together as a family; although that is a treasure that is relished now, I'm sure, more than it was at that particular time.  I don't remember how long we were in the woods.  Time was irrelevant as a child.  It seemed like forever, but I'm sure it wasn't all that long.  I do know that if I had been in those woods alone, I would have been terrified.  But with my dad leading the way, and with my siblings around me, I never had a doubt or fear.  I was secure and carefree, loving the experience and trusting in the guidance of my dad. 

I'm thinking of all this because I was reading Psalm 5 this morning.  David is in a very bad predicament here, even dangerous.  He talks about the importance of preparing his prayers and the importance of knowing the God to Whom he is praying.........and then in verse 8 he begins to pray.  "Lord (Yahweh), lead me in Your righteousness because of those lurking for me; make Your way straight before me." 

David is asking God to lead him in the right way - that's the first request he makes.  God, show me the way to go........the right way.  And why?  Because all around there is danger.  There are enemies who want to trip him up, even to kill him.  But isn't it interesting that David first asked to be led in the right way before he asked to be led in the safe way?  And that David didn't ask to be delivered OUT of the way of the hard stuff, but to be led IN the right way IN the midst of the hard stuff.  "Make Your way straight before me"..........doesn't sound like David was asking for a detour around the situation, but a straight way through it.

We're all on a path, and many times it isn't too rosy.  When it leads through the dark woods of suffering and anguish, we can easily lose sight of our Guide.  Sometimes we need to just stop and listen................listening for what it is God wants to say to us and to show us.  There may be times that we don't hear anything at all, but we can pray.  Like Dale Ralph Davis says, "Sometimes we may not be fully aware of all the details - not know all the particular dangers or various pitfalls, nor even the precautions required.  Sometimes it looks like there are no roads in what's ahead of us.  But we can pray verse 8."

Lord, lead me in the right way.........because of all the junk that is pulling me down.  Make your way straight..........through all the questions and the hurt and the loneliness and the darkness.  Step by step, just lead me on the straight path in front of me step by step.  There are times I wish I had all the answers, either for myself or for others, but I don't.  Yet I do know that I need to take one step.......then another step..........then one more.........and all the time, ask God to lead each of my steps in the right way.  I wish life was full of fun, but sadly that isn't the case.  Yet in the hard times, there are things to learn and growing to be done. 

My Guide is totally trustworthy, even when He doesn't explain why He's leading me down this particular path.  I know that He loves me and that He'll take care of me.........even though at times I have fear of all the unknown that is around me.  Other times I'm even angry because the path is too difficult and I'm tired.  But still I can pray:  "God, lead me in the right way because there are so many enemies lurking on the other ways.  Make Your way straight before me."

Someday I'll sit down and rest, looking back on the path through the woods and thinking of all the lessons learned.  And realizing that God did indeed lead me in the right way and the straight way.

Just like my dad.

I Have The Name Aaron

Today was dentist appointment day for Aaron - time for his four month check up and cleaning.  Yes, he goes every four months because his dental cleaning skills are not at the top of his list of priorities.  And for Aaron, today was GO OUT TO EAT LUNCH AND GO TO WAL-MART DAY..........with a little unwelcome side trip to the dentist to mess things up a bit.  The dentist visit was a necessary evil that he had to endure in order to obtain his chief objectives.

Aaron does fine at the dentist, although that's easy for me to say as I sit in the waiting room.......far away from Aaron's open mouth.  I used to go back with him for his visits in order to just give him the comfort of my presence, to rub his arm and keep him calm,  and to be able to rescue the hygienist if needed.  Aaron actually has always done well at these visits but there have been times that he has gotten a little impatient and wiggly..........and borderline hateful.  Once he shook his fist in the air.  Only once, at least that I know of.  I put an end to that very quickly with the promise of NO lunch out and NO Wal-Mart if he did that again. 

Now I don't go back in the exam room with Aaron.  I've convinced him that he's grown up enough to do this dental visit on his own.  It would be nice, though, to just be near Aaron when he has his mouth open and no words coming out.  But he does great without me..........except  he told me during lunch today that he accidentally bit the hygienist's finger while she was working on him.  Oh my!  I asked what she said and he told me that she said, "Ouch."  Hmmmm.......I wonder if I should call and check on her.  She didn't seem hurt when she came out with Aaron to talk to me.  Anyway, Aaron had no cavities, and his teeth were fairly clean, so we left happy.

And Aaron left with something in his hand that he had taken off the counter while I made his next appointment.  I thought it was a free calendar, but when we got in the van and I looked at it, I saw that it was a whole pad of coupons.  I told him that we don't need all those dozens of the same coupons, and he said, "But Mom, they're coupons and I want to cut them out."  Oh good grief, Aaron!  So back in the office we marched and we returned the pad of coupons, much to the laughter and delight of the nice staff........who also gave us two Wendy's Frosty coupons.  Aaron wasn't that impressed with those, though, because they are already cut out.  As we once again walked out, I told the staff to check their purses.......you never know what else Aaron may have taken.  I haven't gotten a call yet so maybe we're good.

We stopped at TGI Friday's for lunch, for which I had a coupon.......one of three that Aaron had already torn apart on those serrated lines that he can't resist.  Sigh.  Aaron chose chicken tenders to eat after making sure that they were boneless............a salad with Ranch dressing, and even an extra dressing on the side that he dumped immediately on his salad even as I was telling him that it was extra IF he needed it............and French fries.  He hopped up before his food came and before I could stop him he had gone to the front counter for his required toothpicks.  Fourteen.  He got fourteen toothpicks........and when he offered to return them to the waitress later, she kindly told him that he could keep them. 

As the meal was winding down, our waitress asked if Aaron would need a box......but soon she returned and saw that Aaron had eaten every bite.  She commented on the fact that we wouldn't need a box after all, and Aaron said, "I'm sorry I ate it all.  I'm sorry!"  So we both assured him that it was fine for him to eat it all, and he was happily relieved.  Our waitress was very nice, but I imagine she was a little puzzled.  Aaron tends to have that effect.

Off we headed to Wal-Mart, where the first thing I did was direct Aaron to the bath section.  I had promised him a buff-puff on a stick and he was excited to buy one.  Later, as our items were being rung up, Aaron told the cashier, "My mom bought me a puff ball on a stick!"  He further explained to her that he couldn't reach his back in the shower and that now he could.  As he loaded our bags in the cart there at the register, he heard someone yell out the name Aaron.  He put his hand over his heart in shock and looked quite alarmed, which made me laugh as I assured him that it was another Aaron being summoned.  He told the smiling cashier, in a rather breathless voice, "I have the name Aaron."  She and I both smiled, and I had the feeling that she was rather enjoying her unusual customer with the name of Aaron.

We walked past the nail salon, which so interests Aaron and which he has wanted to visit. "Mom, I heard they have men in there."  Who knows?  Maybe someday I'll let him try it.......but NO polish!  And soon after that you would have found Aaron and me looking down through a large grate in the parking lot at the drainage pipe that so fascinates Aaron.  He excitedly told me about the pipe he recently saw in Old Town that was "pushing water up out!!"  And I wondered what people thought of us standing there looking down through that grate, but I didn't really care because I was having fun with my special boy.

Aaron loves reading personalized license plates, and trying to guess what they mean.  As we drove away from Wal-Mart, the car in front of us had the name "Wurtz" on their plate.  "Look at that license plate, Mom!" he exclaimed.  "That's the stuff on your face!"  

"No, Aaron," I said through my laughter. "That would be warts." 

Wait!  Did he mean MY face?!

We stopped at the vet for dog food, where Aaron had to share the "Wurtz" and "warts" story with Charla as she rung up our dog food.  And Aaron got to pet Kato the cat, who was just shaved and looked so adorable with her puffy tail and legs and face........and who promptly gave Aaron a few little bites when he wouldn't quit picking her up.  As we left, Aaron happily told Charla about his good report from the dentist.......clean teeth and no cavities!  "Do you ever have the dentist say your teeth are clean?" he asked her.

Oh Aaron!  Time to go home!  You need to keep your mouth busy with your bubble gum tape I bought you.  Or your Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.  Or your flavored water. 

Yeah, it was a fun time for Aaron at Wal-Mart for sure.   And a fun day for me with our boy that has the name Aaron.

Some Saturday Morning Smiles

Aaron was up early again this morning.  I mean very early, long before Gary and I were out of bed.........and we don't sleep late.  I heard Aaron on his monitor, so I reached over to turn it off and hoped to catch a few more winks.  Jackson had already gotten me up during the night to go outside, and I had still been awake to see the shining of my digital clock at 12:30 something..........so I was moving very slowly when I finally went downstairs a little after 7:00.

But not Aaron.  No.........Aaron was chipper and happy and full of talk.  I was mostly non-verbal at this pre-coffee stage, but Aaron didn't care.  He stood outside the bathroom door talking to me, and I knew it was going to be one of those mornings.  I sometimes feel like I still have small children between the dog getting me up some nights, and Aaron arising early, full of chatter and questions and much information that he wants to share....whether I want it or not. 

I was at the one syllable word stage as I sipped a cup of coffee, but Aaron wasn't fazed.  He told me that he was hungry, even after eating a bowl of cereal when he got up very, very early.  He asked for tomato soup.  Tomato soup at 7:30 in the morning?  Yes, tomato soup, he said.  Well, that was easy enough, and he was even happier and more full of talk as he slurped his soup and I slurped my coffee.

 

"Mom!" he blurted, "the day before last night I was reading about that place during war.  It's in Texas!"  This brought a small smile to my face.  The day before last night.  As if reading my mind, he clarified by telling me that it was Thursday night that he read about that place in Texas during war.  "The Alamo?" I asked.   "That's it!" he said.  "I bet Andrea would know all about that!"...........as if Andrea living in Texas would now make her an expert on the Alamo.  I'm fairly certain that sometime Aaron will ask Andrea all about the Alamo, too. 

Maybe it was partly the coffee, but Aaron's way of expressing himself was also  responsible for my smile.   I was warming up to this morning, and especially to sharing it with Aaron.  I'm used to some quiet time before he gets up, but lately that's changed.  I may as well be thankful that he was in a good mood, and then decide to share that mood with him. 

Soon my smile was even bigger.  Something made Aaron think about having pets, which made him remember a conversation he recently had with Barb at Paradigm.  "Mom," he said, "Barb, she does not have pets..........but she just has those children." 

I laughed out loud at this one.  Oh Aaron, you do have a way of saying things.  Yes, you do.

Later, we were up in his room looking for his missing wallet when I noticed this in his trash can.

It's the large container of Sunburst tomatoes from Sam's.  We had eaten a few but there was almost a whole container full when they were last seen on the kitchen counter the night before.  I hadn't even missed them this morning, but there was the evidence in Aaron's trash can.  I held up the empty container and asked Aaron if he had eaten them all.  He sheepishly said that he had eaten them the night before..........every single one.  That might explain his frequent bathroom trips this morning.

He went on to explain, "Mom, I was really hungry last night!  My stomach........it's like it was flat in!"  

He further emphasized what it's like to have a "flat-in stomach" from such severe hunger.  And then he asked, "Mom?  Have you ever had a flat-in stomach?" 

OK.  Conversation over.  I know where this will lead.........and the talk earlier in the week of how I would look in Vanna White's skinny dresses was still fresh on my mind. 

I made my escape without answering the question.........and I'm still smiling at my morning with Aaron.  It's more than the coffee, too.  It's just Aaron being Aaron that's made my morning brighter.  

Gumby He Is NOT!

Yesterday my friend, Nancy, asked me if Aaron and I would like to come up to her uncle's farm.  She knows that I am fascinated by big Kansas farms, and she thought that Aaron would also enjoy seeing the large machinery and the dairy cows.  Now, I know Aaron, and while I felt like he might want to see the farm and the cows, I also knew that he might balk at this change to his daily routine.   I have told you that Aaron loves daily routine, right?  I thought so.

Nancy said that she would be at the farm today, Thursday, so that would be a good time for Aaron and me to go.  Therefore, I told Aaron about the invitation last night so that he would have time to process the information.  As I expected, he had some questions about it and wasn't exactly hopping up and down with excitement.  I knew what he was thinking, but I decided to just leave him with the proposal and let him think about it.  He later said that he would go, but still he wasn't thrilled.

This morning, Aaron got up early and came down to the kitchen.  As we talked, I once again mentioned our trip to the farm.  And once again I saw that Aaron was less than excited.  Finally he said, "So when I come home from Paradigm, we'll go to the farm?"   I told him that we would.  "How long will we be there?" he asked.  I told him that it wouldn't be terribly long.......and I knew where this was going.  "So when I get home from the farm, will I have time to play the computer?"   I told him that he would.  He was silent for a minute as he thought through this change in his day. 

He continued, "But we have to watch Wheel of Fortune."  I admitted that I wasn't positive we would be home but that we could tape it.  "Then after Wheel of Fortune can I get on the computer?" he asked.  I assured him that he would have time for his computer.  He was still unsettled, and it wasn't long before he was asking these same questions all over again.  I finally stopped him and just asked him if he really wanted to go to the farm or not..........and he admitted that he did not.  He felt bad but I assured him that it was all right, and that perhaps another day would work better, like a Saturday. 

You see, when Aaron comes home from his day group, he first of all talks to me and fills me in on his day.  Then he changes into his pajamas, plays a computer game, and relaxes his busy mind.  Around 6:28, he thumps loudly down the stairs so that we can watch Wheel of Fortune.  After Wheel of Fortune, he might stay downstairs and watch something that has been recorded..........or talk to Gary and me awhile........and pet Jackson..............and then head back upstairs to his computer.  Sometimes he and I will play a game later in the evening, and sometimes we don't........but he always knows that this is an option.  If we run to a store like Wal-Mart or Dillon's, or go to Great Clips for a haircut, then he is excited. 

Do you see any room in this schedule for a trip to a farm?  Well, neither did Aaron.  It just wasn't working out in his mind, no matter how hard he tried.   I could see that instead of anticipating the fun farm trip,  he was becoming agitated over it instead.  And if I forced the issue, he would become angry and then no one would have fun. 

It wasn't long after this conversation that Aaron was growing restless.  He was up early and there was a long stretch of morning ahead of him.  He had showered and had eaten and had drunk his coffee.  I suggested that he go out in the mulch, but he didn't want to for some reason.  Then I told him that he could watch Animal Planet.  He enjoys looking at that show when he clips out my coupons on Sundays. 

As soon as I had made the suggestion, Aaron said, "I only watch Animal Planet on Sundays when I'm doing the coupons." 

"So you absolutely won't watch Animal Planet this morning?" I queried hopefully.

"No," he flatly answered.

And there it is.........life with autism.  Sometimes Aaron is flexible, but many times he is not.  This morning he was not.  And it's OK, really.  If he was allergic to dairy foods, then I would not have let him pour regular milk on his cereal that he had just eaten.   If he was diabetic, then I would not have let him eat the Honey Nut Cheerios that filled his breakfast bowl. 

But Aaron is autistic, and therefore I cannot expect him to easily adjust to changes in his routine.   This means that I am often the one doing the adjusting as I adjust my expectations, my demands, my desires, and all too often my attitude.  When he knew that I wasn't going to push the farm trip on him today......or Animal Planet........he was relaxed and happy.  The story would have been quite different if I had reacted angrily.  And if I had exhibited even a hint of ridicule in my look or my voice, you can bet he would have sensed it, and he would have been hurt and defensive. 

So today Aaron came home from Paradigm, where he found me on the phone with my good friend from North Carolina.  He leaned down in my face and asked if I would come to his room when I hung up.  I did just that, and he told me about his day.  He had already changed into his pajamas.  Later,  he thumped down the stairs......and we watched Wheel of Fortune while he ate popcorn..........with his blue bowl there, of course, in case there were crumbs. 

See his blue bowl?  HaHa!

Our evening is going the way that Aaron likes and he is happy.  Maybe we'll visit the farm on an upcoming Saturday......a day that gives Aaron the freedom to be more flexible.  As for Animal Planet, Sunday is coming!  Provided there are coupons to cut.......because remember that Animal Planet is only for coupon cutting sessions.

 

I'm learning, Aaron, I'm learning.

You Don't Want Me Still Talking

I've been thinking about the past few days with Aaron, and how he takes the most normal of things and makes them uniquely his own.  He gives so many things a different twist and often we end up laughing........or shaking our heads in frustration.  One thing is for sure - it's hard to be a step ahead of Aaron.  Usually I'm running to catch up to him!

This past Saturday morning, Gary and I ate breakfast with Aaron as we listened to him talk.  He was very happy that I had fixed his favorite biscuits, and even happier that the blessing Dad asked wasn't very long so that he could dig in quickly..........all the while keeping an eye on the pan of biscuits in the kitchen, hoping that no one would claim any more of them and they would all be his.  As I later cleaned up the kitchen, I turned around to find Aaron holding the small gourd that Rosie's mom, Louise, had given me from their garden.  Of course, Aaron had noticed it sitting in the kitchen because it's unusual and bumpy.  Aaron was walking out of the kitchen, headed to his room with the little gourd that he had claimed as his own........without asking.  I stopped him and we had a conversation about the gourd and where I got it and what it is and could he have it.........so I said yes.  He's so delighted by the simplest of things.  Plus, he had experienced a rough time at his day group the day before so I was hoping to give him a happy weekend.  If the gourd helped us accomplish that, then so be it.

Aaron knows that we usually change his sheets on Saturday, so he was very happy that I went up to his room at the same time that he did and that I asked if he wanted to do this sheet changing job now.  He prefers to do it early in the day instead of often having to wait on me to get to it later.  It hangs over his head all day, so finishing it early was a good thing for him.  It had rained the night before, so Aaron pointed to the raindrops still on his window as he said, "Mom, look at the dots on the window!" 

He told me how he read about the Boston Tea Party in his Handy History Answer Book the night before.  He had some questions about what kind of tea was at this party and what made them throw it in the water, so as I tried to explain what had happened I told him that the tea tax was the straw that broke the camel's back.  I know better than to use those sayings with Aaron.  He takes them quite literally, so soon I was explaining that there were no camels at that tea party that really wasn't a tea party and that the camel wasn't carrying straw and that his back didn't break if he WAS a real camel and it's just a saying and this is what it means........oh, never mind.  Forget the camel. 

And by the way, Aaron, why is there an empty toilet paper roll under your bed........and a bowl of Skittles?  And yes, we can plug in your disco light thingy and close your blinds and turn your light off while you play a computer game in your disco room.

  Yes, you can put the gourd on your bookshelf.  Yes, I'll look at that one clip about whatever movie it is you're watching or whatever game you're playing.  Finally, after much more talking, I edged toward the door and said, "See you later, Aaron." 

"Where are you going, Mom?" he asked.  I told him that I was going to take a shower, and he concisely replied, "You're weird."  So I asked him why on earth that was weird, and he answered, "Because you don't want me still talking."  Actually, escaping to the shower was a huge relief, but I knew that Aaron was very likely to stand outside my locked bedroom door and still talk as he so often does.  And who is the weird one anyway??

There were more simple things that made Aaron happy over the next few days, like going to Dillon's and seeing the spooky house full of "smoke."  That made him nearly as happy as his cheddar pasta salad and chicken tenders.  And taking Jackson on a walk, because I let him hold the leash the way that Zach did. 

He came in my room after taking his shower yesterday and asked, "Mom?  Can I have one of those string things with a puff ball on it?"  I knew exactly what he meant and I said that he could have one and he was very happy about that.  In fact, I suggested a buff puff on a stick because he could wash his back better with that.........and he thought that a buff puff on a stick would be just too cool!

This morning on the way to meet his group, he talked about Napoleon after reading his history book last night on that subject.  He observed, "Mom, Napoleon's war suit was different from other war suits.  It was fashioner!" 

You are so right, Aaron!  It was more fashioner than some of those other military guys.  I was thankful, too, that Aaron didn't broach the topic of Vanna White's clothing again today like he did the other day.  He and I love to see what new dress she is wearing when we watch Wheel of Fortune.  Aaron often wonders what I would look like in those dresses.......and I try to change the subject.  But the other day Aaron said, "Mom, those are real skinny dresses."   Pause.   "Can you wear those?"   Pause.   "I don't want to use the word fat, but you're not as skinny as her."

What did you say Saturday, Aaron?  Something about me not wanting you to talk?  Sometimes I wish!